Glass Half Empty or Half Full

I did something crazy last week. I took both kids by myself to the Dutchess County Fair.

Version of the Fair Interpertation #1 :
Drove up looking at fair stuff with stars in our eyes.
Saw baby calf born monday (on ellas bday).
Rode the merry go round and thought this is why we came, magic.
Saw the look on the kids faces on the kiddie roller coaster, pure joy.
Hilby the juggler, made my kids balloon animals.
Trying on tie dye shirts
Ella won two fish! (by herself, she threw 2 balls into the goldfish bowls)


Version of the Fair #2:
Tons of traffic
Got out of car, screw fell out of stroller. Tried not to get discouraged.
Tried to balance drink, stroller, and hold Ella in stroller bc she knows how to get out.
Samantha had a huge tantrum with because we almost missed the Hilby the juggler show.
Children having to go potty many times.
We bought 2 ears of corn bc the kids love corn and they didn't eat a bite (for $7).
Both fish are now dead.

A Medley

The Chasing Fireflies catalog came today, I cannot believe how many beautiful things are in that catalog, and how expensive they are. Who gets to buy these things? I love them. I'm going to have to stick with my old navy and the childrens place items. I love love love this pink dress. I want it (for my kids of course).

I just finished reading "The Time Travelers Wife". I've seen the movie and I think it must the most romantic story ever. I didn't want it to end. And, I want a love like that. I know it's not realistic but still, I am swooning over their love for each other.

My daughter fell asleep on the couch and I've never seen her look cuter.

I went to Pilates this morning. Yay for me!!

I organized 3 closets. Let's hope they can stay that way. I have way more top sheets than bottom and have no idea why. And I hate folding sheets.

The Birthday Post #1

Yesterday we had a lovely birthday for Ella. We will have a party next weekend. We woke up and had birthday pancakes, with a candle in it. This is one of Tim's family traditions. My favorite part of family life is the mixing of both our traditions. Mine is that you make a birthday dinner, they get to pick. We made lasagna for dinner, one of Ella's favorites, since she can't actually request a real dinner yet. We went to the mall. It is hilarious to me that we went to the mall for Ella's birthday. You can tell we live in the country and not the suburbs. My kids never go to malls, so it is a real treat for them. Samantha thinks the mall is the best place ever. So we brought them to the mall that is an hour away and went to build a bear. They each got something. But now, we agreed next time the person who isn't having a birthday can get something small, a new shirt for the bear to wear, and not get a new bear. The whole thing cost $65 for 2 bears! Oh well, it's her birthday.

When we got home we made dinner and my parents came over. It was a perfect little birthday. She got a cradle for her baby, a piano, a little people barn toy and a highchair for her baby from Samantha.

They are now playing happily with the new toys. It worked out perfectly for her realy birthday to be almost a week before the party. It all seems very relaxed and nice to enjoy the birthday as a small family.

On a side note, how do you deal with a 4 year old thinking pretending to pee and poop on things is hilarious. It really bugs me, and Ella copies everything she says. Do you just let them do this stuff and get it out of their system, or are time outs in order? A time out seems excessive for saying, "I'm pretending to pee on my toys" but it really bugs me. Does this make me a terrible mom? Oh, and as I type this she's doing it over and over again. Surely, just to bug me.

Perceptions

Yesterday was Ella's 2nd birthday. It amazes me how at times she seems so big and grown up and other times she seems like such a baby still.

On Samantha's 2nd birthday, we found out we were pregnant. We had wanted another child and had a miscarriage 2 months before. We were so excited, we were so ready for another child, Samantha seemed like such a big girl.

This time around, not so much. I still want 3 children, but cannot fathom doing it now. It all just seems like so much work. We're getting it down. We still have good days and bad. Working from home and parenting mostly alone is just so much work. I hope in a year I feel differently. I hope I figure this whole thing out.

Last night Sam would not go to sleep. She wound up going to sleep on the floor in our room. I felt like a bad parent. She was saying she was scared to be in her room. My head was telling me, she needs discipline, she needs to go to bed when she's told, school is starting soon. But another part of me was saying, it's been a long day, it's 10:00 and I really need to relax before bed, I need to read my book. It's my sanity. And so, I let her fall asleep on the floor of our room, and then we moved her.

I'm not sure what the point of this story is. I think I thought the hard times of parenting would be easier than they are. But I also thought the good times wouldn't be as good as they are. So there you have it, this parenting thing sort of makes me feel bipolar.


Happy Birthday Sweet Ella Grace. We love you.

Those Days...

Wow, it is one of those days. I had lots to do today. I was going to be productive. But then I woke up to rain, and it has been a downpour all day. It is incapacitating me. I am unable to go grocery shopping. The thought of bringing 2 kids and groceries in and out of the car is the least appealing thing I can think of. I just want to sit on the couch all day. So, it will be a macaroni and cheese kind of dinner day. A get nothing done day. Well, I will attempt to clean the closet.

I am groggy, I actually feel like the rain. I guess that will happen when you're on "vacation" yet again with your kids and no husband. A 5 hour ride on vacation. When I returned on Friday I had to go to work 1 hour after I got back. I worked Friday night, I woke up early Saturday to be at the farmers market by 8:30. I worked the farmers market until 1, then had to be back at work at 5. Yuck. No wonder I feel like this.

Tomorrow is Ella's birthday! I had big plans for today so we could do nothing but focus on Ella tomorrow. The plan is to go to the children's museum and then build a bear, and then come home and have lasagna and cake.

The rain is so loud, it is a downpour. I'm trying to do something more exciting with the kids than sit around in the playroom, but it's just not happening.

It's a big week and I'm exhausted, county fair this week, the big bday, family visiting on Friday, work on the weekend, and a birthday party next Sunday. Wish us luck getting through it all!

PS - Yesterday, in the 2 hours I had before I had to go to work, both kids fell asleep. This never happens. A normal person would take a nap. Did I do that? Noo... Of course not. I somehow wound up typing "My So Called Life" into youtube. And watching 2 episodes. And you know what, it was so much fun. Jordan Catalano is still the hottest guy ever, don't tell my husband.
So worth skipping the nap...

Day Off

tomorrow is my day off. I am "allowed" to do whatever I want all day. I do have to do some actual work, but honestly, getting work done in peace without the children around is a luxury I do not have lately. My plan was to go to work in the morning, go for a walk, I have a brief meeting at 2 pm. Then I was actually considering seeing 2 movies. There are 2 I want to see and I haven't been to the movies in at least a year. Then I'll have dinner with a friend. This day to myself sounds great. However, I actually feel a little guilty at the thought of going to 2 movies, going for a walk, and not stopping home to see the kids at all. So we'll see how it goes. I can't feel too guilty, I am taking them away alone again, this time to Cape Cod on Wed. morning. It's not like they don't see me often, and yet I still feel like I shouldn't be gone all day. I'm still excited about it!!

Today, was sort of stressful. I don't know what's wrong with me lately, I seem to be having trouble handling kid related stress. I think it's the business stuff on top of it. I used to be fine. I was driving a half hour away today and Sam was being really annoying and Ella was screaming in the car. There was nothing I could do. I turned up some music they like and chanted to myself, you wanted this, you wanted to have another baby, it was all your idea. And then I tried to list the things I am grateful for, but that's for another post.

Butterfly Garden

Today, we went to the Butterfly Farm. First, Samantha informed me that it would not be cool, because she sees butterflies all the time. Then, she saw the website and decided it might be cool.

It was about a half hour away. I got out of the house on time. Amazing, I was very impressed with myself just for that. I remembered the snacks, water and diapers. When we were halfway there I realized I forgot the wipes, oh well, I would just hope for the best.

Oh, I also forgot the ergo. Ella never wants to go in the ergo anymore. She wants to walk like her big sister. Well, not today. "Hold me" "Hold me". So I held her. We went for a walk where we see lots of butterflies. It got a little more fun then. The kids were into it. Then came the time to describe how a butterfly is born. This took awhile. Ella did not behave. She was walking around, touching things in the teachers display. I was getting a little discouraged. I was thinking, 'why do I do this stuff?' It's supposed to be fun. I'll take pictures and in 6 months will we remember how much fun we had, or will I remember this feeling I'm having?' We learned all about pupas, caterpillars and butterflies. We saw real caterpillar eggs, real pupas, real butterflies. Samantha was really enjoying it.

Then we went into the butterfly "room". Lots of butterflies around, the kids had a great time. Definitely the highlight of the trip. Then Samantha had to go to the bathroom. There was a really gross port a potty, the kids dropped their snacks in the port a potty. Always a good time... it's always exciting with us. Snacks went in the garbage and we went for a walk to the dragonfly pond.

This is probably where the "real" highlight of the trip happened. Thankfully, we were alone when this occurred. We went down the trail to the pond. Then Samantha had to use the bathroom (#2) in the middle of the woods near the pond. I was terrified someone would walk down there. she could not wait and had to go right then. So I told her to go. Just then Ella sprinted down the path in the other direction. I was yelling at her to stop, she wouldn't stop. Samantha is on the other end, screaming "mommy, mommy". Seriously, Ella would not stop. It was pretty crazy. Then my cell started ringing. I sprinted, grabbed Ella and ran back to Sam. It was a fairly long path we were on. Thank God, nobody walked down at that moment and witnessed my craziness.

Then, as if we were in 2 alternate worlds, we walked backed to the others, ran and played and acted as none of this had happened.

Wow, I'm tired again just thinking about it all. Pictures (of the fun moments) to come.

Well, I have to admit, I'm reading all the accounts of blogher and it sure does seem like a lot of fun. I'm a little jealous. And it was in New York of all places. I love New York, I used to live there. I'm not too far away. It also seems so great to form all those connections with other bloggers. Oh well, maybe next year, maybe I'll really dedicate myself to blogging and go next year.

Tonight I went out alone to dinner with my two girls. We actually had a enjoyable experience. We went to the local chinese restaurant. I had sushi and the girls had miso soup, edamame and egg rolls. Dinner of champions, right? We laughed, talked and had a good time. It was nice to do something fun and everyday with them. We parked far from the restaurant because the girls wanted to walk. We slowly walked back stopping to talk to the people we knew, stopping to jump off steps and relish in the everyday things that kids find so enjoyable. This is it, I thought. This is why we are here. This is why we are parents, to enjoy these moments, to remember these moments. This makes all the hard time worth it. Before we got to the car a stranger stopped us and said, "it's so nice to see such beautiful girls having so much fun." I thought, yes it is. It is indeed. And how nice to have someone else notice that.

Tomorrow we are going on a trip to a butterfly farm. I'm hoping it's everything it should be.

After a busy weekend of working, the children and I are off to the inlaws house for a few days. We leave tomorrow am. I think this will be a sort of vacation for me, I hope. I am hoping I get to relax and get some work done. Be back Wednesday.

4 hour ride alone with 2 kids...wish me luck.

Uh oh...

I am looking forward to bedtime. I think it will have to be a movie night for my own sanity. Kids ate a lovely dinner of scrambled eggs with veggies. They are driving me somewhat crazy. 8 o'clock movie for Samantha, tucked in my bed sounds just perfect.


Things done today:
went shopping with insane children
witnessed tantrums
Heard kids arguing
Made dinner
Try to relax while cleaning up
Find huge poop on bathroom floor (yes, seriously)

Things to do tonight:
Find hotel for family visiting
Find kennel for dog of family visiting
Make Ella's birthday invitations
Sign and stuff envelopes for community center
Give baths
Relax?!?!
Read new book

Oh, and in other random news:
Better Midler came to the restaurant today and I was not there to see it.
And we counted the money in Samantha's piggy bank so she could buy her sister a bday present. She had $142! I was shocked!

blah, blah, blah

In laws are visiting, we had a busy day. I got home from work at 12:30 am and Ella woke up at 3:30. She went back to sleep with me but was tossing and turning. Not a great night of sleep. We are about to attempt to go out to eat (me and in laws and children) at our restaurant. Wish us luck. I get anxiety just thinking of bringing the children out to eat. You just never know how they'll be. We're going at 5:30, so hopefully it will be early enough that it will be fine.

Tomorrow my husband and I are involved in a fun event called the Columbia County Bounty. It should be a fun event where we make food that was donated from local farms. It should be a great event to get out there and talk about the restaurant.

It will be a busy week and pilates was cancelled tomorrow. That usually keeps me sane, when I know I have one or two exercise days already scheduled in. I was planning on going tomorrow, so I'm kind of bummed it was cancelled.