Yesterday was Ella's 2nd birthday. It amazes me how at times she seems so big and grown up and other times she seems like such a baby still.
On Samantha's 2nd birthday, we found out we were pregnant. We had wanted another child and had a miscarriage 2 months before. We were so excited, we were so ready for another child, Samantha seemed like such a big girl.
This time around, not so much. I still want 3 children, but cannot fathom doing it now. It all just seems like so much work. We're getting it down. We still have good days and bad. Working from home and parenting mostly alone is just so much work. I hope in a year I feel differently. I hope I figure this whole thing out.
Last night Sam would not go to sleep. She wound up going to sleep on the floor in our room. I felt like a bad parent. She was saying she was scared to be in her room. My head was telling me, she needs discipline, she needs to go to bed when she's told, school is starting soon. But another part of me was saying, it's been a long day, it's 10:00 and I really need to relax before bed, I need to read my book. It's my sanity. And so, I let her fall asleep on the floor of our room, and then we moved her.
I'm not sure what the point of this story is. I think I thought the hard times of parenting would be easier than they are. But I also thought the good times wouldn't be as good as they are. So there you have it, this parenting thing sort of makes me feel bipolar.
Happy Birthday Sweet Ella Grace. We love you.
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