I'm thinking of blogging again. I just started a blog for our restaurant, so I thought, I might as well blog again. I miss blogging! My laptop has been broken for 6 weeks and for some reason I didn't sign into google reader at all during that time. On my laptop it's different, that little google reader icon is in my bookmark toolbar. It's just taunting me to click on it. I can't help it. Well I guess out of site out of mind. But I'm glad I have you back! I missed hearing about all of you!

My business blog is different I have to put a lot of thought into it. I type. I save. I re read the next day. I save again. Something is so wonderful about just hitting publish. Not thinking about how your words will affect people. What people will think. I have to do that to some extent on my other blog because they are customers and I want them to keep reading.

So I am back and I have been busy. I have the restaurant and I am selling jewelry, which is so fun. I am going to San Francisco in July. I have never been on a plane alone before. There is something really exciting about flying across the country alone. I can't wait! I'm going for a jewelry training/conference. Yay!!

Confession

I haven't been writing much. I've been busy with the kids and working a lot. And we got a new puppy! Crazy, I know. I feel like it's so cliche. So obvious. Oh, she had a miscarriage and then she got a puppy. Obviously that is to replace the baby. And, umm, yeah, I guess it is. And that's okay. The puppy is fun and cute and a lot of work.

Now here's my confession. I haven't been reading the blogs of pregnant women as much anymore. I still read them but I don't like reading blogs of people who are newly pregnant or who are due the same time I was. It's not that I'm not happy for them, I just can't really deal with hearing about it. Today I read someones blog who just found out that she was pregnant with twins. I can't help it... I'm jealous.

I'm not ready for a baby and I'm certainly not ready for twins, but the green eyed monster is still here.

Wow, it's been awhile. Let's see, well first I wasn't blogging because I was pregnant. And I didn't want to tell the worldwideweb until 12 weeks. And then I reached 12 weeks and I was forming in my mind how to write the post. It happenned on that weekend away in Boston, how romantic, or how careless, or whatever.

And then the day I was going to post I had a miscarriage. A sort of messy, sort of traumatic not fun at all miscarriage. And then the whole week after that I was such a total mess it is not even funny. And then another week went by.

And now I'm here. I'm in a place where I'm feeling okay. If I can't have a baby I want to accomplish things. So I'm working and rearranging rooms. I'm trying to kick a*s at this jewelry business. Trying to book shows, and sell online. It's fun and rewarding and it's nice to have something to throw myself into. And of course there are those 2 littles ones that take up my time too. We had just told our 5 year old she would be a big sister again when it happened. So that was a bummer.

The last time I had a miscarriage I threw myself into getting pregnant again. I was determined, I bought ovulation kits and it was my goal to get pregnant as quickly as possible, and I did. I got pregnant with Ella about 5 or 6 weeks after my miscarriage. And it actually feels good this time to throw myself into something other than that. It will happen, we're just going to take our time this time around.

I cannot get out of my house in the morning lately without yelling and screaming. It is so frustrating and I need to find another way for things to work.

I do what I'm supposed to do to make the morning routine easier. I make lunches the night before, I pick out clothes the night before.

The mornings are still a chaotic mess. My 5 year old does not listen in the morning. She is slow. She gets dressed slower than anyone. My 2 year old dresses herself before the 5 yo has her pajamas off. When I yell, it is worse. I take away toys, TV privileges, nothing works.

I am making myself so stressed out every morning with this. And then I don't get as much done because I just need to relax once I finally get them to school, instead of being ready to be productive.

any words of advice out there?