Sunday, June 20, 2010

Missing You

This morning my baby girl left to spend 2 or 3 night all by herself at her grandparents house. I was sure it was a great idea. They asked about it one year ago. We have spent a lot of time building up to this. They live 4 hours away. The came, spent a few days and took her back with them. I'll go visit on Tuesday or Wednesday and bring her home Thursday.

As soon as I woke up this morning I had reservations. My in laws were already up, getting ready to leave. It felt as though things were moving too quickly. I went and looked in Samantha's room and she was already downstairs. My heart deflated a bit. I had plans to sneak into her room, whisper thought about how much fun she would have and how much I'd miss her. My baby is growing up.

"Do you still want to go?"

"Of course, mommy. I can do this, I'm a 4 year old."

Okay, I can be strong, if she is, I can be. I won't let her see that I'm sad, because she shouldn't be sad, she should have a wonderful time. they have a pool. Her cousins live next door. This will be wonderful for her.

"Mommy, if you're lonely, don't worry, you still have Ella here with you."

So sweet. When she left Ella was very upset. She was crying, "don't leave". She said, "Me, me." As in, what about me? For about 20 minutes, Ella cried after she left. I was being so selfish, only thinking of myself. Ella has never been without her big sister, I didn't think about that. Somehow Ella could sense that she wasn't just going to school, that she would be gone a longer time. I hugged Ella, it will be okay. Just a few days...

Just think of all the things I can get done with one kid instead of 2. We can all do this... When can I call to check in?

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