The DVR debate

There are 2 nights of the week when I like to watch TV. Tuesdays and Thursdays. I love my DVR. They are set up to tape and I can watch them whenever I want. I still like to watch them on the days they are on. But I start at like 9:30. After the kids are in bed, kitchen is cleaned and the house is sort of cleaned up. Tuesdays are a big night for my DVR. I actually DVR One Tree Hill, Life Unexpected, Glee and Parenthood. So last night for some reason I turned the tv on. And my shows were not taping. Some Baseball: The Tenth Inning.

I was mad. It is completely crazy doing bedtime and dinnertime totally on your own almost every night of the week. I really look forward to my glass of wine and to be able to watch my show at leisure. It's like meditation for me. So anyway, I cancelled his show to tape mine.

I do not ever call Tim at work from 4 to 10. So, for a second I thought, I could call and make sure. But that would be a silly thing to call for. Then, I reasoned that he knew my shows were taping. It it was important he had plenty of time to tell me.

So anyway, I cancelled his show. He got home about 11. And we got in a fight, over tv. It's so silly, I know. I don't spend that much time with my husband and yet we argued over a tv show. He was mad. I was mad, even though sort of "won" I guess.

It wasn't a huge fight, we got over it. He claims I have all the time in the world for tv. (Yeah, right). I shouldn't be able to tape something (or 2 things) if he wants to watch something. I could just watch it.

Well, that's all. I'm working on a life list, things I want to do. To come...
The picture is my sweeties on the first day of school. And, of yeah, don't judge me for One Tree Hill, it's a good show, I swear.

Well, things have been a whirlwind lately. I've been working, attempting to manage the house and I had a benefit for the local community center at our restaurant this past weekend. It was a lot of work. I got local farms to donate food, so coordinating all that was difficult. We also had a auction, so it was a bit of craziness all around. Add to that soccer practice, dance class, CSA pickups and we're just super busy.

I'm loving the fall. All of the sudden it's fall and it's so beautiful. This is one of the most beautiful times of year around here. Driving on the windy country and looking at the beautiful leaves on the trees.

Some funny things Samantha has said lately:
She wants to be a cleaning lady when she grows up, that or a rock star. She will charge $2 to clean restaurants or houses and $1 to clean cars.

Also, Mom, do you know who the coolest girl ever is? Hannah Montanta. (She has no idea who this is, just knows that she's cool. Someone in her class has a older sister and so they discuss how cool HM is.

Then she told me that we should pretend to be teenagers. If teenagers don't like each other they say, "you are such a tattletale". so we played this game where we said that to each other and then pretended to be mad. I have no idea where she gets this stuff from.

And lastly, Ella slept in a big girl bed last night. It's been in her room for months and so last night I finally let her sleep in it. She did well. For awhile now Ella has been waking up between 3:30 and 4:30 and then comes and sleeps in our room. Does anyone have any ideas on how to stop this without waking the whole house up?

It's a beautiful day outside here in New York.

I had a hard time getting out of the house today (everyday). I want to leave at 7:20. With 2 kids, this is hard. I should set my alarm for early, but I don't. I wait until I wake up and try to quietly get into the shower without waking the kids. By this time, they're already stirring so the tiny bit of noise wakes them. Today I left at 7:35, not bad... I thought as I was driving to daycare.

Then I got to daycare to find out Samantha had a field trip today and I had no idea about it. I got to be that mom. I hate being that mom. I feel so stupid, oh really? I had no idea you would be taking me child somewhere today. And I'm supposed to give you $5? Awesome. I have one quarter on me this morning. I drove away deciding that this would not define my day today.

(In my defense they said they sent a email, I think I'm not on the preschool email list yet, Samantha started late, last week and I think they just have me on the toddler list. It wasn't in my spam folder, I checked.)

Oh, and then I got to work to find out I forgot my work bag. So instead I'm writing this blog post. I repeat, this will not define my day. Today will be fine.

A Good Week

I'm working on having a good week this week. Last week I let little things get me down. I tend to stress about money worries a little too much. I can make myself feel sick over it. And it's not good for anyone. It makes me argue with Tim and it just basically makes me not enjoy the little things.

We had 2 not great weeks at the restaurant. They weren't horrible by any means, just not where we like to be. I can't help feeling like what if nobody ever comes back. Part of me knows this is silly. But part of me also thinks it's possible. The weeks after Labor Day are known for being the slowest time at restaurants, so I'm not sure why the fact that we're a little slow is so hard for me to get over.

I just keep thinking, this is all we have. Some families have 2 jobs, 2 careers. Not us. We are doing this together and if we fail, what will we do? It's just the scary part of having your own business. When I voice this to my husband or a friend they tend to act like I'm crazy and over reacting. Which I guess maybe I am, but they doesn't mean I can help it.

I could post lots of great reviews that we have gotten, we're involved in the community, people talk about how great the restaurant it. And yet, I still can't shake the feeling, of what if it all ended.

Right now, today, I am going to do my best to stop. I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach, a worried, nagging feeling. But today I will push the feeling away. I will focus on the little things. I will enjoy the moments.

Well, I've been in a bit of a funk lately. I've been sort of grumpy and half glass empty. I should work on being a little more grateful.

Today I am grateful that I get to bring my daughter to dance class. She loves it so much and i love bringing her. I was also able to sleep in today, Fridays are my one day to sleep in and for that I am grateful.

Lately I've been thinking of how I'm not happy with any of the schooling options here. I've been reading a lot of homeschooling blogs and I thought maybe I can do that. I figured I'm sort of homeschooling her this year. I'm doing a lot of work with her at home. And I've done a lot of research on it. I thought I could give it a go this year and who knows what I'll think next year. I told my husband and he laughed! He said, you could never do that! I was so offended that he was so sure it was such a crazy idea. I just wanted him to say, sure we could do that if you think you're up for it. Or, let's talk about it in a year.

Well, like I said I was grumpy this week. That was just one thing that made me a little bit grumpier.

I've just been working to get back into the grove of preschool/work. It's nice. It's nice to have some time to think. I can send a email without shielding the keyboard from a 2 year old. I am working on getting more organized at the restaurant. I'm looking forward to this long school year. Summer won't happen again for almost 10 months! And by then, I'll want it and be excited for it.

We've had a lot of confusing stuff going on with Samantha's school. I just don't know what to do. Or I didn't. But now a decision has been made. Let me back up.

Last year she went to a preschool when every other kid was going on to Kindergarten. She has a December birthday. So we didn't want to send her there with all new younger kids. Then we had some issues with the teachers, so the decision was made.

The local public school isn't great. I'm usually of the mind that at this young age, if you're a great parent, it doesn't matter too much. You can overcompensate for the school. But it was only from 9:15 to 11:15. I cannot see driving my kid to school for 2 hours. What would I get done?

Plan #3 - We applied to a private school that was way too expensive but, of course, a great school. We could not afford it, but figured we would get financial aid, which we would. In the end we decided it was ridiculous to spend $7000 (before financial aid) on pre-K. And we have another child. Doesn't that set the precedent that you have to do it for the next one. Do the math, actually I don't even want to know what kind of number that would come up to if you sent your kid to a school like that the whole way, and then multiply it by 2.

Plan #4 - Found a local preschool very close to our house. It looked nice. I knew other people who had gone there. She could go from 7:30 to 12:00. We started her. Day 1, they said, "oh, we didn't realize Samantha was starting today". It was fine, they let her go, but still, I had just spoken to the director the day before. I picked her up at 12. They said, "oh, we didn't know she was a half day". And, there was a television on. Day 1 of school and they had a tv rolled in there, watching Barney. I'm sorry, I'm not anti-TV. I like to limit tv. But shouldn't tv be done on the parents time. Not at school? and the shoe had no lesson or relevance to anything they were talking about.

So, on to Plan #5....

Ella's daycare has a preschool program and a spot opened up on that same day. We took it.

So, now I'm driving them to one place. Two days a week. I wish she was going more, for her sake, but I'm working on doing a lot with her at home too. So, wow, that's our schooling for the last few weeks. I'm not sure why I put this on the blog, but there you go...

Wow, time is flying by. I can't believe it's September and I'm also so glad that it is. I'm exhausted.

This summer was a insane mix of working like crazy, many short vacations (without husband) and no childcare. We had fun. We did things. No matter how crazy I get, I always feel that it's better to do things and really experience life with your children. We did the fairs. We drove to Cape Cod, Long Island, Pennysylvania, Lake George ... there must have been other things in there.

One of the great things we did this summer was have a babysitter come about once a week to help with the kids. Only about 4 hours, the same sitter often came once a week at night while I worked. The kids got really attached to her. I just love that. When I was in college I was a nanny for a little girl and I just loved her so much. I wound up inviting her and her family to my wedding. I was so involved in her life. I would love for my kids to have someone younger who they really look up and have fun with. It's hard to tell what will happen now that there is school. She'll still babysit once a week. So hopefully they'll continue being close. The babysitter even came to Ella's birthday party, she couldn't stay but she stopped by and brought a gift. I thought that was so cute.

So now we're on to the routine of school. So far, so good. This morning I dropped off Samantha at 7:45 and then went grocery shopping at 8 am. How crazy is that? It actually felt really good to actually accomplish something big so early in the morning. It would be great if that could be a weekly routine for me. We'll see...

New Life

Things that will happen now that school is back in session:
I will get a solid 12 hours of uninterrupted office work done a week.
I will exercise several times a week.
I will meditate every evening or morning, as needed.
I will have my house organized and clean.
My children will be wonderfully behaved angel children.
I will be extremely "present" with my children when they are home.

I'm not setting my hopes to high am I?

Summer Madness

So much to tell, birthday parties, fairs, guests visiting, work. School starts tomorrow so I've been trying to enjoy my children. Will update tomorrow.