Life&Love

2011-05-18T18:06:00.000-07:00

I'm thinking of blogging again. I just started a blog for our restaurant, so I thought, I might as well blog again. I miss blogging! My laptop has been broken for 6 weeks and for some reason I didn't sign into google reader at all during that time. On my laptop it's different, that little google reader icon is in my bookmark toolbar. It's just taunting me to click on it. I can't help it. Well I guess out of site out of mind. But I'm glad I have you back! I missed hearing about all of you!

My business blog is different I have to put a lot of thought into it. I type. I save. I re read the next day. I save again. Something is so wonderful about just hitting publish. Not thinking about how your words will affect people. What people will think. I have to do that to some extent on my other blog because they are customers and I want them to keep reading.

So I am back and I have been busy. I have the restaurant and I am selling jewelry, which is so fun. I am going to San Francisco in July. I have never been on a plane alone before. There is something really exciting about flying across the country alone. I can't wait! I'm going for a jewelry training/conference. Yay!!

Confession

2011-03-10T17:59:00.000-08:00

I haven't been writing much. I've been busy with the kids and working a lot. And we got a new puppy! Crazy, I know. I feel like it's so cliche. So obvious. Oh, she had a miscarriage and then she got a puppy. Obviously that is to replace the baby. And, umm, yeah, I guess it is. And that's okay. The puppy is fun and cute and a lot of work.

Now here's my confession. I haven't been reading the blogs of pregnant women as much anymore. I still read them but I don't like reading blogs of people who are newly pregnant or who are due the same time I was. It's not that I'm not happy for them, I just can't really deal with hearing about it. Today I read someones blog who just found out that she was pregnant with twins. I can't help it... I'm jealous.

I'm not ready for a baby and I'm certainly not ready for twins, but the green eyed monster is still here.

2011-02-18T07:07:00.000-08:00

Wow, it's been awhile. Let's see, well first I wasn't blogging because I was pregnant. And I didn't want to tell the worldwideweb until 12 weeks. And then I reached 12 weeks and I was forming in my mind how to write the post. It happenned on that weekend away in Boston, how romantic, or how careless, or whatever.

And then the day I was going to post I had a miscarriage. A sort of messy, sort of traumatic not fun at all miscarriage. And then the whole week after that I was such a total mess it is not even funny. And then another week went by.

And now I'm here. I'm in a place where I'm feeling okay. If I can't have a baby I want to accomplish things. So I'm working and rearranging rooms. I'm trying to kick a*s at this jewelry business. Trying to book shows, and sell online. It's fun and rewarding and it's nice to have something to throw myself into. And of course there are those 2 littles ones that take up my time too. We had just told our 5 year old she would be a big sister again when it happened. So that was a bummer.

The last time I had a miscarriage I threw myself into getting pregnant again. I was determined, I bought ovulation kits and it was my goal to get pregnant as quickly as possible, and I did. I got pregnant with Ella about 5 or 6 weeks after my miscarriage. And it actually feels good this time to throw myself into something other than that. It will happen, we're just going to take our time this time around.

2011-01-27T06:38:00.000-08:00

I cannot get out of my house in the morning lately without yelling and screaming. It is so frustrating and I need to find another way for things to work.

I do what I'm supposed to do to make the morning routine easier. I make lunches the night before, I pick out clothes the night before.

The mornings are still a chaotic mess. My 5 year old does not listen in the morning. She is slow. She gets dressed slower than anyone. My 2 year old dresses herself before the 5 yo has her pajamas off. When I yell, it is worse. I take away toys, TV privileges, nothing works.

I am making myself so stressed out every morning with this. And then I don't get as much done because I just need to relax once I finally get them to school, instead of being ready to be productive.

any words of advice out there?

Difficult

2010-12-16T18:19:00.000-08:00

My daughter turns 5 on Saturday. It is Christmas time. And we have so very many things planned. Tomorrow I am taking her to see the Nutcracker, just the two of us. Saturday she is having a Fancy Nancy fashion tea party with her friends. Sunday is a family party. And then just a few days later is Christmas.

We are struggling a bit. I want to be happy, joyous, and enjoy every minute. But she has been the most difficult kid lately. Everything is a issue for her. She's difficult, doesn't listen well, is not very nice to her sister. Today we had to leave a diner because she wasn't behaving. The 2 year old was fine. The about to be 5 year old was loud, not sitting in her seat, and arguing with her sister over the eggs. Honestly, she seems like she has PMS lately. She cries at the drop of the hat. This is the scenario, she is rude and talks back to me. I am stern with her, tell her to stop. Then she cries that "everyone is mean to her". Honestly, I don't know what to do here.

I am looking forward to tomorrow. However, do you know how many times today I said, if you don't stop, we won't go tomorrow. It is exhausting. Please, tell me this is just a phase.

Hello

2010-12-10T12:11:00.000-08:00

Well hello there. Nice to see you.

I have been so busy. I'm exhausted and the house is messy. But, the christmas tree is up, laundry is done and I have been working a lot.

I just tried to finish my christmas shopping for the kids and Amazon wanted to charge me $45 for shipping. What?!? I'm glad I always read over the invoice carefully before clicking okay. When your child is turning 5 and old enough to get it how do you christmas shop when you have a husband who works all the time? I have four things to get: my first scooter, wagon, bongo drums and a music type toy for Ella. We are going to the mall tomorrow but it's just me and the kids. I'm not sure how to do this!?! I would also like to get them christmas pajamas but it's not imperative.

I've always done all the christmas shopping and this year it's getting to me. I don't wanna do it all myself! Kid gifts, his parents gifts, all of it. Yuck.

Also, I have been working this Stella & Dot jewelry thing. Had 3 trunk shows so far in the past week. And in the next week I have 5 more! It's fun.

I'm pretty happy even though the restaurant isn't as busy as it should be. I love the holidays, christmas trees, christmas lights and Santa. It is so fun to share all this with your kids.

2010-11-29T08:26:00.000-08:00

We're in Boston! Without the kids! For 2 whole nights! Whooo - hooo!
It is really fun, this morning we're being lazy. I have no place I have to be. That never happens. I'm looking forward to a fun day!

Another Layer

2010-11-26T11:17:00.000-08:00

Wow, I haven't posted in awhile. I had been so good at posting often lately. Last week I hosted a Stella and Dot jewelry trunk show. It was so awesome and the jewelry was so great I decided to become a "stylist". This is a bit crazy, I've always been wary of those sort of things, but I decided to just go for it. It's not like I don't have enough to do. Two kids, running a restaurant, trying to keep up with hobbies, housecleaning etc. But, I decided that I thought it was fun and a great product. And that I would just go for it.
So, I'm trying to book trunk shows now, which is why I haven't been blogging. I've spent my time picking out jewelry for my starter kit, making lists of who I think would have a trunk show, and calling, emailing them. Oh, and I've been doing my online training. which is optional, but suggested to make the most money out of this. Which, of course, is what I want. Can I do it all? Restaurant, kids, mom, housekeeper, cook and jewelry salesperson. I have no idea. But who knows? Maybe I can.
If anyone likes jewelry and is interested check it out, I was really impressed with the quality.
www.stelladot.com/taryncocheo

Addendum

2010-11-19T10:17:00.000-08:00

More on Friday:
I still have a headache.

I have not showered, I think that playdate is getting cancelled.

My babysitter just cancelled for tonight.

Just noticed pen marks on my ottoman.

But, more importantly, for xmas should I get these or these?

And I found my daughters birthday present, I will take her to see the nutcracker at a local theatre and get her this shirt;

Friday

2010-11-19T08:04:00.000-08:00

Last night I had a very needed Girls Night Out. 6 of us had dinner and drinks. It really is amazing how much only 2 1/2 hours can do for your soul. I went to bed happy and relaxed.

My little girls got their hair cut and they look so adorable I am dying to take their picture. My camera has been at work for a week and I can't for the life of me remember to get it when I am there.

Today is so busy. It is my one day of the week that my husband gets up with the kids. Of course, they slept until 8. I know this shouldn't bother me, it does a little. I went back to sleep, although I have a lot of trouble getting back to sleep in the morning. I woke at 9:30 with a raging headache. It's bad, and my 2 year old has turned into a screecher, which is not good at all for headaches. Husband ran off to work the moment I opened my eyes. My brother in law is visiting tonight. I have to clean the house, do payroll for work, go to work, supposedly have a quick playdate at 1:30, music class at 4, a potluck from 5 to 6 and then work at 6. Wow, I'm tired just writing that. The kids are screaming and screeching and arguing over a little tiny container with marbles in it. I'm not sure how it's possible that my days when I "sleep in" and are supposedly to be less stressful tend to get more crazy.

There's a positive here. I made chocolate chip cookies last night and I am going to go have one right now. There's crying coming from the playroom, however I'm just picturing that cookie. (I can tell it's not I'm hurt crying, just I'm fighting with my sister crying).

Holiday Blues

2010-11-17T14:50:00.000-08:00

I'm getting a little bummed about the holidays and how much money every costs. There are so many pretty things and so little money. I know I am not in a dire situation and we will have a fine holiday season. My kids have lots and don't need more stuff. But sometimes I get that picture in my head of the tree with present piled high and part of me wants to do that for my kids. And part of me knows it's ridiculous and they shouldn't be getting stuff just to get stuff. When I see pictures like this, I can't help it, I want it. I've always loved beautiful clothes and to see my girls on Christmas in matching dresses like this? I would die of the cuteness. I love them! Also, I look at the pricetag and how in the world did a catalog arrive in my mailbox where a dress, for a child, costs $198?!?! It is insane. so pretty, yet so insane. Somehow my brain equally believes both is true.

My children will not have matching beautiful dresses for the holidays. We don't need them. They have lots of clothes. The money. They will have christmas movies, christmas songs, ornaments, lights and a tree. This will have to be enough, even though Chasing Fireflies is trying to tell me that it isn't.

Details Details...

2010-11-16T07:05:00.000-08:00

I thought I would give some more details on my small but motivated list.

I have always wanted to learn French, I always thought it was such a romantic language. When I lived in NYC I was supposed to take French lessons, and then it turned out it didn't start until the end of my pregnancy, so I just never did it.

To run in a marathon - I am not a runner, I have run, but am definitely not a runner. Currently I feel like I'm in the worst shape. My jeans are feeling a little snug and I just feel yuck. I seriously need to get off my ass and do something. How do people with young kids find the time? When my kids were babies I was fine, I would exercise with them, strap them on me and I would go. Right now I'm in a rut.

Oh, how I want to play the guitar. Have I mentioned this before? Because my four year old also wants to play the guitar. So, guess who is taking lessons? Yes, the 4 year old. My hope is she will teach me. (I do listen in on their lessons and go home and practice)

To move somewhere, San Francisco, Portland, or someplace abroad. - I have a lot of regret with this one. About a year after college Tim and I were going to move to Portland, Oregon. We did research, we looked for jobs, we looked for apartments. Then I spoke to my mother about it. Basically I feel like I was a big baby because I couldn't do it. My mother said, you can't go that far. And I actually listened. Who does that? I am a classic first born, I have (almost always) listened to my parents. I need to remind myself when my kids are that age that I should let them have experiences and not be afraid to lose them. Currently Samantha thinks I should go to college with her, so we might not have this issue. It's never too late, right? Maybe we could move somewhere when the kids are older, although that seems so far away...

to be crafty - working on it. Going decently well. Knitting is good, birthday party plans coming up next month, I plan to be quite crafty for her Fancy Nancy party I have in the works.

to foster a child. - Although I want to do this, I honestly have no idea if it will happen. Maybe later on in life when my kids are more grown. Right now my husband does not want more kids, while I do, but not for awhile yet. I'm still fairly confident I can convince him but alas, this is for another, more serious post, the whether or not to extend your family post.

Things I Want...

2010-11-14T07:07:00.000-08:00

Here is a list of some things I always wanted to do. As I get older I'm trying to think about accomplishing some. Others I might never accomplish. I'll probably be adding to it also.

to learn to sew and make some clothes.

to be crafty and have lots of projects going on.

to learn French.

to complete a marathon.

to play the guitar.

to not worry so much (about money specifically).

to move somewhere, San Francisco, Portland, or someplace abroad.

to be more organized.

to foster a child.

Holidays

2010-11-13T06:09:00.000-08:00

I’m a big fan of Christmas. Most specifically I’m a big fan of Christmas cards and Christmas trees. I guess I should be politically correct and say holiday cards. My usual MO is to pick out Christmas cards early. I scrutinize over what photos to pick. I’ve been known to stage elaborate photo shoots since my first child was barely 1 year old. Hundreds of photos to scour through. My husband is not a fan of this process. We probably argue over it yearly, the fact that he does not care what kind of Christmas card we send. How is that even possible? However, he swears that it is true. I can do whatever I want. One year I should test him and get a sample of some crazy Christmas card and see what he says.

I know what I want in a Christmas card. I want my kids to look adorable (obviously). I prefer the cards with 3 pictures. One of each of my children and one of them together. This year, I might branch out and get one in there of all 4 of us, if I can get the hubby to agree. We do not have many pictures of all 4 of us, he works way too much for that. It’s likely to get this I would have to have him in his chef coat at work, with the rest of us smiling festivally around him. I have also been known to order Christmas cards and have half of them sit on my desk never sent. I’m sorry if you were meant to get one last year and didn’t.

Two years ago we used Shutterfly. I loved that picture. I can’t for the life of me remember what last years card was. We had just opened a restaurant and I don’t even know if I did one. Anyway, my

My favorite part about shutterfly is that you can adjust the pictures so much to see exactly what you’re getting. I love popping tons of pics into those little boxes to see what they will look like. I also like that you can check several items off your gift giving list. Grandparents love calendars and mugs with pics of the kids. It is so easy and they are so happy. Every year we give each set of grandparents a calendar.

For holiday cards this year, I like the simplicity of this one.

and the amount of pictures you can get with this one.

But I think my favorite is this beauty right here. I like the amount of pictures, the monogram and I love the saying. "And I Think To Myself what a wonderful World". If you can't feel that way during the holidays then when can you?

Shutterfly is offering bloggers 50 free holiday cards. Learn more about it here.

Shutterfly will be providing me with 50 free cards for writing this post, but the thoughts are all my own. Well, I’m off to go get some good pictures of the kids for my cards!

Oh, and by the way, has any seen CVS, they have a full Christmas decorations out since the day after Halloween, that's just not right. Now my daughter is yelling about how she wants Barbie ornaments every time we go in there. Frustrating....

What I Wore

2010-11-12T09:48:00.000-08:00

I need to try harder with my pics. This weekend I will try to get a good one of what I wear to work. This week I wore, my favorite flannel shirt. I love this shirt, it's my go to, wear twice a week shirt. I can't remember where it's from, but I wore it with a alternative black t and hudson jeans and frye boots.

The other pic is a tracey reese frock dress, bamboo black tights and Seychelle shoes. (Need a better pic of this outfit bc it was a good one, I had on a fitted camel J Crew blazer with it when I was outdoors). Samantha, the cuter one in the pic is wearing gap kids and her brand new haircut. American Girl doll on floor, we are unsure what she's wearing, vintage we think.

Don't Stand So Close To Me

2010-11-12T07:13:00.000-08:00

My children love me. That is known. Especially the little one. She must be touching me almost all the time. Just this morning, in my bed, she had to have one little arm above me and another below me. Like if I was 10 times smaller she would be holding me like a baby. It was not comfortable. It was my one morning to sleep in and she had to be in bed with me, holding me. Lately at times it gets to me. I try not to let it. Sometimes I feel like screaming , stop touching me'. I know, it's terrible to think that. And I don't scream it. Sometimes it gets to be so much. I'm cooking dinner and she's on my legs, begging me to pick her up. How do I get her to be a little more independent, or at least a little less touchy feely?

For today, I will focus on the times when I pick her up after not being with her and she has a huge smile on her face, and yells mommy, while running to get to me as fast as possible. She then throws herself around me, even if we were only separated for one hour. She loves me, and I love her too, more than I can imagine.

2010-11-11T17:59:00.000-08:00

As always, my life is feeling like a whirlwind. The days pass so quickly, so much seems to get done and not get done. And, I am exhausted.

Knitting is going well, I'm almost done with my second scarf. It is taking longer that I thought and I decided to make a hat next. I'm a little nervous about the circular knitting so someone suggested I crochet. It seems complicated, but probably just because I'm used to knitting. So, I'll get there. I just have this lovely vision of the 4 of us wearing hats I made. Believe it or not, this seems like a very impressive feat.

I used to take Samantha to a weekly playgroup where for the first hour everyone played and for the second hour people watched the kids for you while you sit in a group setting with a counselor. It is at times very cheesy and wierd but sometimes it was great. When I was potty training Samantha it was great to talk about my frustrations or hear tips from other people. Sometimes the group facilitator, who I guess is a licensed "life coach", can you be a licensed life coach, I'm not sure?, can be quirky. When nobody has a big issue to discuss she will make us go around the room and say what is wonderful about us. I've done this so many times in the last 4 years that I'm so over it and can't help rolling my eyes like a teenager when she brings it up. That will lead her to say, "and why does this make you so uncomfortable..."

Anyway, I'm not painting a pretty picture. It is a great place to go because you have something to do, you know at least a few of your friends will be there, and it can be fun. I went this week with just Ella for the first time in about 6 months. It was actually nice, we did have to say what was wonderful, but I'm so used to that by now, it's no big deal. I said it was wonderful that I go to a organized exercise class once a week because I'm taking time for me, even if that is all I do some weeks, at least I know I'm doing something. I also told them I started a blog. Only 2 people know about my blog in real life (husband and 1 friend). It was like I was sharing a little secret about myself. It was fun, and they all thought it was a great idea. They all might be googling me now, if they care that much. Number 1, I don't think I'm easily traceable and Number 2, my secrets aren't all that juicy that I need to hide them. I just do like knowing that family and all friends aren't reading my blog. What about you? Does everyone know about your blog? My old blog, I used to email out to remind people to read every so often, so all my friends and family read it. For this point in my life, I prefer it this way.

Someone Else's Giveaway

2010-11-10T18:20:00.001-08:00

I want to win a coat from Beth at I Should Be Folding Laundry and you probably do too. Go here to see her post.

She is giving away a awesome Lands End coat for kids. It looks very warm and cozy. If I won, I would pick pink because my daughter will only wear pink if she can help it. what about you?

1 Year!

2010-11-09T18:25:00.000-08:00

We had our one year anniversary last week. We have owned a restaurant for one year! That seems like a pretty good success, right? Things are not perfect by any means. But, the first 2 years of owning a restaurant are the hardest and at 1 year, we are doing well. That seems like something to be proud of.

We had a party for our staff last Sunday. It was so so great. Many of us are pretty good friends. Of course, we're the bosses (my husband and I). So besides our manager (who we met in college) and my brother, there is a line there. Some we're closer with than others, as always. I had visions of our party being a bonding experience.

We invited everyone to our home. We had it catered, for once we were not cooking. Most of the people who worked for us were there. We have 2 teenagers who work for us, a 20 year old and a mix of people in there 20's and early 30's. So it was interested to have everyone over together to hang out. I was given a copy of this karaoke singstar game. I asked the 16 year old who works for me to bring his playstation over (how hilarious is that?). I wasn't sure how it was going to go down. I said, we're going to karaoke, haha. Everyone laughed and said, yeah, right. Well, we broke out the game and it was perfect. Everyone sang, the good, the bad, the younger, the older. It was hilarious. We laughed. The only people who didn't sing were the 16 year old who brought his playstation over and the Mexican cook who can't read much English. I would love to know what was going through their heads. They were both smiling, laughing and just watching from the back.

I like to think we bonded, we definitely had fun. Some of us were very good singers, I was one of the worst. But it didn't matter. My song came on. "Every Rose Has It's Thorn" And I rocked it anyway. Fun times.

Now I'm off to make my Christmas lists.

What I Wore...

2010-11-05T19:38:00.000-07:00

... To Work Tonight
I've been reading Girls Gone Child who is asking people to post what they wore. I am pretty bad at taking pictures of myself, but it was my first time. I also need another room of the house. Obviously, I took these pics in my playroom.
I am wearing:
dress: Papillon Blanc
tights: Express
purple watch: unknown
boots: Vintage Fryes from 1970's

These are my favorite boots. I forgot to wear the bracelets I wanted to wear with this, next time...
by the way, omg, who doesn't clean up before taking pics that they put on the internet. I apologize. In my defense, I had just gotten off work and I am exhausted, I just really wanted to get this post up. Next time, clean room, I promise.

More Parenting Woes

2010-11-04T16:52:00.000-07:00

Sometimes my about to be 5 year old can be just so annoying to her younger sister. This is especially happening at bedtime. Both Samantha and I read to Ella together, then we sing to her. Then we kiss her good night. Lately Samantha can be so annoying at that time. She will be pulling on the book from her sister. Saying the words ahead of time. Tonight she kept putting her foot on the book. It's like she's doing it just to be annoying and difficult. I feel badly for being a little tough on her. But, this is supposed to be a nice, quiet wind down time and Samantha can make it so difficult. It's amazing that someone can be so sweet sometimes and just so terrible other times with her sister. I guess that is sisterhood.

An update on Ella's bedtime. Tonight I have walked her back to bed 3 times so far. Last night she woke up and we let her in out bed. Today someone suggested a gate in the doorway and just tell her she has to stay in her room. This seems a little harsh to me for someone her age. Tim agrees and thinks that is not a option for us. I guess I'm just hoping she will grow out of it.

This morning I told Samantha she should put on her tights herself (I was in the shower at the time). She looked at me and said, "you're a bad mom." So many thoughts went through my
head at that moment, I wasn't sure what to say.
Number 1, she has no idea what a bad mom is.
Number 2, I think she might be a tough teenager.
Number 3, hmm..so many ways I could go here.

I decided to tell her that I was not, in fact a bad mom. That really hurts my feelings to have her say that. Bad moms don't feed, clothe, or take their children to school. She just looked at me and said, okay, you're a good mommy.

Lately a lot I feel on the brink of being too harsh with her. I just feel like she is at this critical age where lessons need to be taught. She'll either learn or become a big brat. She needs to know what is appropriate to say to people, and as her mother I should be teaching her. Right?

I'm not sure if I've mentioned it here yet but Tim and I are going away for 2 nights at the end of the month, this is seriously needed. We went away for a very short one night last February, left at night and returned at 8 AM the next day. Before that, it had been before Ella was born. So, this is needed, maybe I'll have more patience afterwards. I can just keep picturing those 2 nights when I start to get frustrated.

Bedtime Woes

2010-11-03T11:49:00.001-07:00

I woke up a few night ago and felt something warm and cuddly next to me. I instinctively curled up next to her. Then I awoke. "Tim?", I whispered. "Did you go get Ella?"
"No, did you?" "Nope."
My just turned 2 year old and just started sleeping in her own bed, was now coming to my bed in the middle of the night.
Samantha will be five next month, she still yells for us when she wakes. She does not get out of bed on her own. My little baby Ella is getting out of bed on her own. What's even more strange to me is that she's not even waking me at all. Just climbing into bed and going to sleep.

I have mixed feelings on this. On one hand, she is very cute and cuddly and I don't mind sleeping with her at all. I mind it even less when she's not even waking me up to do it. So sweet... But.... I don't want my kid to sleep with me nightly. That's never really been my thing. I like my space at night. So, what to do? Wait it out? Put her back in the crib? She's too old to let cry at night. I'm not sure. I guess for now we wait.

2010-11-02T16:28:00.001-07:00

I need to post, I know. For now I will give you the obligatory Halloween picture. enjoy!

A Long Week

2010-10-28T06:32:00.000-07:00

wow, cannot believe it's Thursday already. Usually don't like Thursdays because the weekend is close. The weekends are so busy for me. They are my real work week. My week is usually filled with busy activities. I am home alone with the kids, but kind of like it. I get to watch my shows, blog, do whatever want after I get those sweet children off to bed at a reasonable hour. Usually one night I let Samantha stay up a little bit late to watch something special with me. Then this week came. My inlaws were visiting which was very helpful. I went to the grocery store alone, I went to CVS alone, and I drove to pick up my CSA alone. It was heavenly. But also, my computer is in my living room. I didn't blog, I haven't even logged into google reader since Sunday. Glee was not watched. This week was doubly bad because Life Unexpected was a repeat and still don't have Fox due to stupid Cablevision stuff.

But I am excited for this weekend! Halloween fun! We have lots of things to do and hopefully it all goes off wonderfully without problems. Tomorrow Samantha goes trick or treating with school, Sat has soccer and Halloween parties. And Sunday has the same. I'm excited to have fun with the girls.

A very cute interaction with my daughter this morning. We were driving behind a school bus. "Mom, when do I get to take the bus?",
I reply, "Maybe when you're in Kindergarten, next year."
Sam, "I don't see any car seats on that bus"
"You don't use a car seat on a bus".
"Well, maybe you should drive me then."
"Sure, I'd love to drive you if that's what you want, the bus is safe though".
"Well, maybe when I'm a teenager I won't need a car seat and can take the bus".
"Yes, that's a accurate statement."

Samantha is obsessed with teenagers, she cannot wait to be one. The other day she asked me if when she's in high school she can sing in the hallways like the kids in Glee.

New Hobby

2010-10-24T17:46:00.000-07:00

This weekend my parents took the kids at 1 pm. I didn't have to be at work until 5:30. The possibilities were endless. My favorite thing to do with some free time is to see a movie alone but, this weekend nothing was playing at that time. So instead I went to the local knitting store. I learned how to knit about 10 years ago but never actually made anything. I would knit for no reason and then unravel and start again. I probably only did this for about a month. Well, I bought some new needles and a beautiful chunky wool/mohair blend blue yarn. The first couple tries I just wasn't remembering right and wound up pulling it out. Then today I googled it and reviewed "how to knit". Now I am proud to say I have quite a good looking scarf going on. I did it for about a hour today and am now going to knit after hitting publish. Yay! I secretly hope I will love this and can make a couple things as Christmas gifts. But I don't want to put too much pressure on myself. I just love the idea of giving people things I made.

In other news, I'm pretty excited about this busy week I have ahead. Tomorrow I'm driving an hour away to babysit my nephew while my sister goes to have her level 2 ultrasound and will find out what she's having. The next day my in laws are visiting for a few days. Then Friday Samantha goes trick or treating with pre school. And then Halloween over the weekend. I'm super excited for Halloween this year (with the kids). I hope we all enjoy it as much as I'm hoping. There's also a big Halloween party at a wine bar across the street for our restaurant this Saturday night. Even though everyone I know is planning on going I am not. There's three reasons:
1 - I do not like to dress up for Halloween, it's too much pressure.
2 - They're playing techno music I heard, and I hate techno. Just give me some good 80's and 90's hits you can dance to and I'm so happy.
3 - I have a babysitter for work that night. Paying for a babysitter for work and then to go out is just too pricey.

And Then...

2010-10-21T16:08:00.000-07:00

Another day gone by. Kids went to daycare / "school". I went to work. Had to file a workmans comp claim, don't know why this stressed me out so much but it did. Bills paid, blah blah blah.

Came home and made yet another soup. Not nearly as good as yesterdays soup. Cleaned up the kitchen (already!), it's only 7 pm. Got a little annoyed at kids.

Do your kids take care of their toys? This is driving me crazy, especially with birthdays and christmas looming. Each girl has these cardboard suitcases from Land of Nod. They're in a set of three. They were supposed to look cute stacked on their dressers, which is where we put them every night. The girls have been shoving toys in them, playing with them and now 2 out of the 6 are ruined. This bugs me. I just don't know how to teach them to value what they have. I explained to my oldest that I spent money on those suitcases on them. Now they can't use them anymore. I'm just not sure how to get through to them on this. I told Samantha that we need to value and take care of what we have. They cost money and people give us things because they want us to have them. Samantha said "well I take care of Corsey". Corsey is her stuffed dog she's had since she was 2 and slept with every night. Forgive me, but all I could think was, 'yeah, peeing on him 10 times in his life is really taking good care of him. I'm sure he loves that'. It was just funny to me to think of it like that.

Well, I must go because I now have screaming children fighting over some toy that they're not taking care of. Ella has really started to enjoy tantruming, by the way. I have to give baths, do laundry... And then Samantha and I will start the Kit book tonight at bedtime. Lately we've been reading chapter books together and it really is enjoyable to see how the story continues each night.

Thank God It's Over

2010-10-20T18:09:00.001-07:00

It was a rough day. There were moments I thought I would not get through it. I had a migraine and nobody to help me. My husband did let me take a 1/2 hr. nap before he went to work. I had already been up about 4 hours, but anyway, it was nice. I would have rather slept in, but I guess I shouldn't complain.

The kids were driving me bonkers. Ella has become a screecher. I used to listen to other people kids and think, "Thank God my daughter doesn't screech because it is the most awful sound in the world." Well, guess what? I'm the lucky one. I have no idea how to get a just turned 2 year old how to not do this.

Even though my day was awful I decided to make some soup. 2 soups in fact. So I feel somewhat accomplished. More on soup details another time. It is now 9 pm. I have 2 sleeping children, a clean kitchen, hamper empty and laundry being done and glass of wine in hand. Now the question is, do I log into google reader and catch up on some blogs? Or do I fold the pile of laundry next to me? I would say I should go for the google reader. But my husband would be oh so impressed if he actually got to get clothes from his closet instead of from a crumpled pile in the laundry basket. Maybe I should try to impress him? I can fold the clothes, I don't think I can go so far as to fold socks. That just doesn't happen here unless I'm having a spectacular day.

In other news, I did bring the toilet paper in from the car and the bathrooms are stocked. I'd say I had a pretty accomplished day even with the headache and missed pilates class.

Oh, and this is Samantha when I told her to get ready for bed. She doesn't like the matching pajamas. Nice look, right? I love the long sleeves under the short for bedtime. Tres chic!

Exercise

2010-10-20T05:48:00.000-07:00

I have got to get better about exercising. Since March I have been going to pilates once a week and have done other things on my own, usually. I've been eating okay.

Lately I've slacked. The past 3 weeks I've missed pilates! Just this morning I was finally going to go. But I had a raging headache and the kids weren't feeling great. I was going to go anyway, power through it. But then the kids freaked out when I went to leave. The headache paired with the yelling made me just give in and stay. Maybe I should have just ran out of there. But honestly, I don't think I could have exercised anyway. So, three weeks without going. Yuck.

I've been feeling sort of awful lately. Too much snacking and not enough exercising. I think I've gained a few. The main reason I'm writing this because I feel it holds me a little bit more accountable to try and exercise and eat better. So here we go. I'm not promising to exercise every day or not eat anything bad. However, I am just promising to be better. We'll see how it goes.

An Unfortunate Turn of Events

2010-10-19T16:02:00.000-07:00

I was not feeling well today. I was worried that I am coming down with something. I'm tired, my throat hurts and I just feel icky. I fed the kids early. Then at about 5:30 I put on Cinderella and we all sat down on the couch to watch it. I was so tired, I just needed a break from the busy day. I figured we could watch a movie and then do bathtime and all that. Then I woke up at 7 and Samantha was sleeping too. This is going to totally f$*k up my night. Things couldn't be much worse. I don't feel great and now my almost 5 year old took an hour nap from 6 to 7 (this is my guess at least). I woke her up. I was drilling her, " Samantha what was the last part of the movie you saw?" "Did you see the ball?" "This is very important you must remember". She didn't remember. I guess it doesn't matter. Either way I'm pretty much screwed. Let's just hope that she will be happy with snuggling in bed with mommy tonight.

Note to self: Moms don't get to not feel well. Moms don't get to get breaks. Next time I think things will work in my favor and I need a break, wait it out, power through it. Your break is when the kids are sleeping (at bedtime, not at 6 pm).

Wish me luck tonight.

And on a unrelated note:
We have three bathrooms in our house. I've had toilet paper in the back of my car for 2 days now. We are currently sharing one roll between 3 bathrooms because I have not walked to the car to get the toilet paper. But it's cold out and I have 2 kids. And whenever I do leave the car I have many other things in my hand. Things more important than toilet paper, apparently. I don't think my husband has noticed this yet. I'm sure he'd have something to say if he did.

And, oh yeah, it's my 100th post!

Christmas Time

2010-10-17T06:26:00.001-07:00

I cannot believe I am already thinking about the holidays. But, I went to Target and they had a Christmas section! And I went to the mall and Hallmark had all the ornaments out. What is going on? Why does it seem like it gets earlier and earlier every year? Do we need 2 1/2 months to get ready for xmas?
I am struggling this year with how to handle the holidays. Samantha is getting older, old enough to really know the traditions. I feel this is the year we have to really be thinking about what our traditions are as a family. I have two issues going on with Christmas.
Number 1 is Santa. I want my child to appreciate christmas time for the beautiful time that it is. The christmas lights, singing, visiting Santa. I don't want to hear about "wants, wants, wants" all the time. I want her to know it's a giving season. We're struggling in two ways with this one. First, I had the idea that from her piggy bank she will buy something for someone who doesn't have and donate it. I suggested Toys for Tots. Tim (husband) thinks that is a foreign concept, putting a toy in a box for someone we don't know. How can I make it more personal? Does anyone have advice for this?
My other issues is Santa. Do you put a number on the amount of gifts you bring? I don't want to give too many. However, we spend time with family and they go crazy. So what does that say when your kid gets 4 presents and their cousins get 20?

Samantha's birthday is also the week before christmas, so it can get out of control. Already at Target this week Samantha is asking for a million things. It's hard to teach gratitude, I guess I will try to show gratitude in my life.

Heavy Stuff

2010-10-16T20:46:00.000-07:00

Your children are perfect. My children are perfect. They’re all these perfect little beings.

As parents we want our kids to be perfect. We want the best for them.

Ella is having some minor speech problems. Nothing serious at all. She’s a little delayed. I took her to be evaluated and they said to wait a few months. They think she is fine and will catch up on her own. They think it’s normal for someone with a very talkative older sister to not need to talk. She was napping today. We both fell asleep on my bed. I woke up after 15 minutes and just looked at her. I watched her and thought about how we want the best for our kids. We want them to have a better life than we do.

This exact instance is no big deal. Her small speech delays are not anything serious. But it made me think about how someday there will be something that is not perfect with our kids. What will it be like to deal with that?

When I was 12 I was diagnosed with a medical issue that requires me to take medication for the rest of my life. I was thinking of how my parents felt about that. I know it was somehow hard for them to deal with the fact that I was not perfect. I wonder what challenges I will face as a parent. Whether it will be medical issues, social issues, or my child get arrested or into other trouble. I wonder what these moments will be like.

I hope that I will be able to accept my children for who they are at all times. I know I would with the big things, sexual orientation for example. No matter what sexual orientation my child was I would fully accept them. What about the “little” things? Arrests, drug use? How will we face these challenges as a parent and still accept who they are? Accept their right to make mistakes and learn from them? I guess we just hope that we bring them up well enough that they know right from wrong. Whatever mistakes they make are a part of their lives and something they can learn and grow from. And I will be with them every step of the way.

As long as my children know that I am there for them in life in every way and that I influence their lives in a positive way I will know that I did a good job. The teenage years might be tough. Looking at that sweet face today it’s hard to imagine. I guess we just do the best we can. It’s all we can do, right?

Things that Are Great...

2010-10-14T15:48:00.001-07:00

Greys Anatomy and Private Practice are on tonight.

My kitchen is clean.

New hats and mittens.

Discussing Christmas lists with your four year old (already?!).

Frye boots.

Taking a child to the doctor alone.

Hugs from a happy two year old.

Bathtime.

Making veggies from the CSA.

Date night.

Jumping in leaves with the kids.

Knowing that the little things are what matter most.

Things that Suck...

2010-10-14T11:16:00.000-07:00

I just found out Flash Forward was cancelled. I really liked that show. I probably should have realized it by now. But it just occurred to me to google it.

I somehow forgot to put Samantha in a pull up last night. We bought new bedding last night at Target, which is now all full of urine. At least she slept through the night and didn't wake me up until 6:30 with this information.

I was up last night not feeling well, I think I'm on the verge of a full blown UTI. Yuck. Also, I hate cranberry juice.

I keep meaning to write a fashion post, but it hasn't happenned yet. I am not ready for winter yet. It is cold here! I have trouble looking great while staying warm. It's hard to dress for the cold weather. I just want to wear a sweatshirt.

I went to Target last night and spent a obscene amount of money there. We don't have a ton of money and I'm not proud of it. I went because we all needed winter comforters for our beds. It is freezing here already. 1 queen comforter, 2 twin comforters and a bunch of other essentials I needed. Soccer ball, fleece pajamas, a few groceries, boots for Samantha. Grand total: $325.

My dog ate the bag of kit kats we got at Target that we didn't even open yet.

I lost a prescription bottle last night and "the man" who was mowing the lawn just found it in the grass. I'm glad it was found but pretty embarrassing that you had medication in your lawn. That's good parenting. I swear, it had a child safety cap on it. That's something, right?

I will try to write a things that don't suck list later on. I'm working on my gratitude right now. Off to clean the house...

Parenting

2010-10-12T06:08:00.000-07:00

I'm under the impression that most people thought it was really hard when they had they're first baby. I wasn't like that. I thought the first one was relatively easy. I was always really comfortable around babies and when I had Samantha, the adjustment wasn't that difficult for me. First of all, she was a great baby, she slept through the night at 12 weeks. We lived in New York City at the time. I could easily bring her anywhere with me. Put her in the sling and we went shopping, to restaurants, you name it and it was pretty easy to go with her.

For some crazy reason, I thought because I did it once, that the second would be no big deal. Not the case, for me at least. The transition from 1 to 2 kids was really hard for me. Add to it that we had just opened a restaurant and my husband worked about 70 hours a week and it was more than hard. I wish someone had me take two kids shopping before I decided to have a second. I think that should be a rule. There should be a class. How to get two kids to sleep without them waking each other up... How to do laundry while breastfeeding a baby ... How to cook dinner with two kids ...

A little story for you:
A few days after I had Ella it was my birthday. For some insane reason, I decided to cook dinner because my sister was coming over. My husband, of course, was at work. Samantha was 2 1/2 and had major regressions with potty training at the end of my pregnancy. There I was, cooking dinner, trying to make sure Sam didn't have accidents and nursing my 5 day old baby. My sister walks in. Samantha has to go potty. Next thing I know Samantha has locked herself in the bathroom, while I'm nursing and cooking dinner. I'm pretty sure I started crying. Thankfully, my brother in law came and got her out. I don't think I could even of handled doing that in the given situation. So, as that being one of my first experiences with 2 children, it was a bit of a rocky start.

The two of them are just so different. Ella nursed every 2 hours (during the nighttime) until she was 8 months old. That is about the time when she decided to sleep through the night. Samantha was such a easy baby and didn't get difficult until 2 (right when I had a second child). Ella walked at 11 months, Samantha at 15. Ella is just now talking (and not yet full sentences). Samantha was talking at the age of 12 months and full sentences by 18 months. It's amazing that they both came from the same people (this I'm sure of) and yet they're so different. We think we are parenting them the same way, yet they are not reacting to this parenting in the same way. Ella is a tester, she's not a great listener and it is hell to get her to stay on a time out. I don't think we had ever even put Samantha on a time out by this age. I don't know, it sure will be interesting to see them as teenagers.

Weekend Madness

2010-10-09T05:21:00.000-07:00

Well, we're in the middle of the crazy weekend. Worked last night. Today soccer practice, farmers market, lunch. Then I rush home to try and clean this crazy house for the babysitter tonight. Is it wierd that I am worrying about a 17 year old judging me?

What if she tells her mom my house is messy?

What if she tells her mom I served pasta to my kids even though I had no parmesean cheese?

Or what about the time I ran out of pull ups. The babysitter called me at work. I said, oh just put a diaper on my 4 year old, or just put her to bed in undies and I'll deal with it when I get home.

Do you think she tells people about these things?

We'll never know, I hope. I hope it's one of those things that we never do find out the answer to. In the mean time I'll just do a subpar job of cleaning the house for her.

I am excited about the rest of the weekend. We have 70 reservations tonight, which is on the high side of normal for a Saturday night. Although I'm happy when we're busy, I always get a little bit of anxiety worrying that everything will go smoothly. It usually does, so I shouldn't worry.

And tomorrow we have a really cool harvest party that we're hosting along with a local farm. There will be a swing farm and awesome local food, cooked my my husband. It should be a good time.

Well, have a good weekend everyone. I hope I find the time to enjoy mine.

Boots Are Made For Walking

2010-10-07T17:07:00.000-07:00

My favorite thing once the weather starts to shift is that I get to start wearing my boots. I am quite find of almost all my boots. My favorite are my Fryes. I have 4 pairs and I love 3 of three of them deeply, the 4th, was my first Frye purchase. I wish I could say I loved them the most because they're the oldest but I just don't love them like I used to.

Frye # 1 - The Harness Boot
Bought 3 years ago. My first big purchase in a boutique clothing store near my house. It was the week after XMas. I had gotten money for XMas and they were in my size. I went and tried them on. They were on sale for $150. A lot of money for me. I couldn't believe I was thinking of spending this on shoes (my feelings on this has changed slightly over the years). I didn't buy them that day, or the time after that. Finally, I brought my husband and tried them on. He said I should go for it. He believes in spending money on quality products and he definitely believes in spending money on shoes. So I got them and wore them almost daily that whole first winter season. They are a beautiful dark chocolate brown. I still wear them, just not as much as I should.

Pair #2 - The Suede Campus with Shearling Interior
I got these 1 1/2 years ago. I love love love them. They are sort of like Uggs b/c of the shearling interior. When I first got them I wore them every day. They were like slippers, I wore them inside the house until bedtime. I did not want to take them off. Unfortunetely, I didn't put enough protection on them and they are a little beat up. They still look and feel great, they're just a little worn in for a suede boot. Oh well, I still wear them, over jeans, with skirts, dresses and leggings. On the first cold day of the year, these are my favorite thing to break out.

Pair #3 - The Vintage Cowboy Frye
These my friend (the owner of the boutique store, is now my friend) found in NY and they were in my size. I'm not sure what that says that I became friends with the store owner. Perhaps, I shop too much? I hope not. I try not to, but I do have to dress up for work and there's not many options around here. Anyway, I digress. These are lovely and my current favorite. I love the heel for a everyday look. They're pretty perfect. Oh, they're great broken in tan with a stripe down the side.

Pair #4 - The Birthday Splurge / Not Yet Worn
The fourth pair is a beautiful bordeaux color. I just got them for my birthday. I actually haven't worn them yet! They are a fancier boot than my others and have a higher heel. I envision wearing them to parties and to work. I have to see how the heel goes with wearing them for 8 hours on my feet.

Anyway, I highly recommend Fryes. Yes, they're pricey. Some of them are way pricey, the most I've spent is on my newest pair and they were $275. I can't let myself spend more than that, it's my limit. And I know I won't get another pair until next year. These are my boots for the year. They're comfortable and look great. Since getting into the Frye addiction I don't wear my old boots anymore. I no longer go near my Uggs, the shearling Fryes are just too perfect. My only issue is that I have no great black boots. Brown, chocolate, just look so beautiful to me. The black boots never look as pretty. I have one old pair from Nine West, I think, that I wear if I really need to wear black.

The one pic is all the fryes, then the other one is some of the other boots I have. The winter boots are my favorite. They are so warm and I feel like they are sort of stylish. Then there's the Uggs and the 2 black boots that I'm not totally fond of.

Sorry if this is the most boring post ever. Is anyone interested in boots? And very interesting that I think this post could have been one of my longest posts ever.

dreary days

2010-10-06T05:27:00.000-07:00

Woke up this morning at 6:30. It has been so gross out lately. It's a little too cold too fast for me. It's brutally windy out there and we don't yet feel like we should be grabbing a jacket on the way out, but we should. And the rain, it's been raining on and off for over a week. Things have been a little slow at the restaurant and that compared with this weather is making me a little sad. I have just wanted to cuddle up on the couch with a blanket. Well, surprisingly my 2 kids aren't really into that plan. We have to get up and do stuff and play and go to dance class in the pouring rain and blah blah blah. I have got them to cuddle up a tiny bit with some tv watching the past few days and I'm feeling a little guilty about that. Sure, let's watch a movie. Last night we watched Glee. I used to be on a strict no tv all day or at the most one Nick Jr. show (20 minutes).

So, I feel like I've been slacking. When we woke up this morning (and it was still dark out) I decided no tv today. I will be a good parent. It is now 8:30. So far we played with play doh, had breakfast and played with crayons and stickers. Can I make it the whole day? I'm a little tired already (need coffee). There is no school today. I think we need to get out of the house, even though it's pouring out AGAIN!

I'll show you some of my lovely farmers market food pics to think of nicer days.

Happy Howl o Ween

2010-10-05T05:19:00.000-07:00

I know, I said I would have all sorts of fashion info for you soon. But instead yesterday we had a lovely family day. In the morning, I dropped off the kids at playgroup for 2 hours so I could get some work done. This is mostly how I get work done and I'm so grateful that they offer this around here. And for only $5 for both kids. Amazing deal! And the people there are wonderful. They played guitars with a musician for 2 hours, how cool is that!

Anyway, I digress. The only bad thing about yesterday was how brutally cold it was. It is so hard to be happy and peppy in this cold. Even though it was cold, we went pumpkin picking. It's a really cute pumpkin picking place and for awhile we were the only ones there. They have roosters and turkeys and goats. And this little playplace area where there's a slide and you can play on hay bales. And then there's the pumpkins! Lots of wonderful fun pumpkins and some wierdly colored and shaped gourds. We got about 5 in different sizes and went home to plan our jack o lanterns.

Well the other day when I was exhausted and we were watching tv, Samantha saw a commercial on Nick Jr. for these pumpkin stencils. She wanted to make a Dora pumpkin. So, being the fabulous mother than I am, I actually went on the website printed the templates (which I had to go to work to do bc our printer is broken). Well, it turns out, they don't just have Dora, they have 10 different options.

So, Samantha wound up picking a Uniqua (from Backyardigans) template. And then we found some cool things in our carving kit. So we worked for about, I don't know, maybe 3 hours and made these wonderful things.

I have to say, I am so impressed with ourselves. Tim did the best job. His is the big skeleton one. I was so happy with how these came out. And I was even more excited because when I texted a pic to my mom she thought we bought them! So this is what we spent yesterday doing. Fashion tomorrow, I promise!

And as for the title, once someone bought my dog a collar that said Happy Howl o ween, we thought it was really funny for years!

Fashion Forward

2010-10-03T17:13:00.000-07:00

Ever since opening my restaurant a year ago I have cared a lot more than I used to about what I wear. I see a lot of people and I think it is important that I make a good impression in and out of the restaurant. We live in a small town and believe me, I see patrons of the restaurant outside of the restaurant daily. So I try to put some thought into what I wear and how I look. I am far from a trendy person but I have definite ideas on what I like. I thought I would share some of my clothing and accessory ideas on this blog. I'm sorry if this is boring or not what people want. But, it's my blog. : )

I love reading design and fashion blogs and I love seeing what things put together or what brands people think are really great. So hopefully you will enjoy it too. I think I feel better about myself on a daily basis when I put an extra 10 minutes into choosing what I wear and putting on a little makeup. I am working on putting something together for tomorrow.

A no worries, I'll still have the everyday mommy craziness that mostly defines this blog. I was just thinking my blog sounds a little mommy whining and needs a little more substance. And it will give you all a chance to see another side of me. Hope you like it...

Tired

2010-10-03T07:10:00.000-07:00

Well, I had a exhausting weekend. I did something I don't normally do. It was my friends birthday and after work, about 10:30, I went out to celebrate for her. We danced, laughed and it was a wonderful night out. We were one of the earlier people to leave, at 3:30 in the morning! I actually have no idea when the last time I was out that late was, it has been a long time. It was a great night. But t has my wiped out today too. I woke at 8 Saturday morning, went to soccer practice. Went home, tried desperately for my kids to take a nap with me before I had to be at work at 4. TV was on, one kid sleeping, other content, I dozed off right away. 5 min later the phone rang and all my lovely plans of sleep were changed. So, without sleeping I worked from 4 to midnight last night. I rushed home and crawled into my bed.

This morning the kids had to try to wake me up many times (I know, great mom, right). I even went downstairs, poured cereal, handed out sippy cups and went back to bed. Not mother of the year work but I am so exhausted I can barely stand it. Hopefully today is a day of not doing much and well behaved kids so I can recover.

And yes, I still think it was worth it. Getting dressed up, laughing and dancing with girl friends is always worth it. The others are moms too, I don't know how they did it. Some of them got home about 4. Definitely worth it, but next time should start a little earlier in the night.

The DVR debate

2010-09-29T18:13:00.000-07:00

There are 2 nights of the week when I like to watch TV. Tuesdays and Thursdays. I love my DVR. They are set up to tape and I can watch them whenever I want. I still like to watch them on the days they are on. But I start at like 9:30. After the kids are in bed, kitchen is cleaned and the house is sort of cleaned up. Tuesdays are a big night for my DVR. I actually DVR One Tree Hill, Life Unexpected, Glee and Parenthood. So last night for some reason I turned the tv on. And my shows were not taping. Some Baseball: The Tenth Inning.

I was mad. It is completely crazy doing bedtime and dinnertime totally on your own almost every night of the week. I really look forward to my glass of wine and to be able to watch my show at leisure. It's like meditation for me. So anyway, I cancelled his show to tape mine.

I do not ever call Tim at work from 4 to 10. So, for a second I thought, I could call and make sure. But that would be a silly thing to call for. Then, I reasoned that he knew my shows were taping. It it was important he had plenty of time to tell me.

So anyway, I cancelled his show. He got home about 11. And we got in a fight, over tv. It's so silly, I know. I don't spend that much time with my husband and yet we argued over a tv show. He was mad. I was mad, even though sort of "won" I guess.

It wasn't a huge fight, we got over it. He claims I have all the time in the world for tv. (Yeah, right). I shouldn't be able to tape something (or 2 things) if he wants to watch something. I could just watch it.

Well, that's all. I'm working on a life list, things I want to do. To come...
The picture is my sweeties on the first day of school. And, of yeah, don't judge me for One Tree Hill, it's a good show, I swear.

2010-09-28T08:42:00.000-07:00

Well, things have been a whirlwind lately. I've been working, attempting to manage the house and I had a benefit for the local community center at our restaurant this past weekend. It was a lot of work. I got local farms to donate food, so coordinating all that was difficult. We also had a auction, so it was a bit of craziness all around. Add to that soccer practice, dance class, CSA pickups and we're just super busy.

I'm loving the fall. All of the sudden it's fall and it's so beautiful. This is one of the most beautiful times of year around here. Driving on the windy country and looking at the beautiful leaves on the trees.

Some funny things Samantha has said lately:
She wants to be a cleaning lady when she grows up, that or a rock star. She will charge $2 to clean restaurants or houses and $1 to clean cars.

Also, Mom, do you know who the coolest girl ever is? Hannah Montanta. (She has no idea who this is, just knows that she's cool. Someone in her class has a older sister and so they discuss how cool HM is.

Then she told me that we should pretend to be teenagers. If teenagers don't like each other they say, "you are such a tattletale". so we played this game where we said that to each other and then pretended to be mad. I have no idea where she gets this stuff from.

And lastly, Ella slept in a big girl bed last night. It's been in her room for months and so last night I finally let her sleep in it. She did well. For awhile now Ella has been waking up between 3:30 and 4:30 and then comes and sleeps in our room. Does anyone have any ideas on how to stop this without waking the whole house up?

It's a beautiful day outside here in New York.

2010-09-21T05:14:00.000-07:00

I had a hard time getting out of the house today (everyday). I want to leave at 7:20. With 2 kids, this is hard. I should set my alarm for early, but I don't. I wait until I wake up and try to quietly get into the shower without waking the kids. By this time, they're already stirring so the tiny bit of noise wakes them. Today I left at 7:35, not bad... I thought as I was driving to daycare.

Then I got to daycare to find out Samantha had a field trip today and I had no idea about it. I got to be that mom. I hate being that mom. I feel so stupid, oh really? I had no idea you would be taking me child somewhere today. And I'm supposed to give you $5? Awesome. I have one quarter on me this morning. I drove away deciding that this would not define my day today.

(In my defense they said they sent a email, I think I'm not on the preschool email list yet, Samantha started late, last week and I think they just have me on the toddler list. It wasn't in my spam folder, I checked.)

Oh, and then I got to work to find out I forgot my work bag. So instead I'm writing this blog post. I repeat, this will not define my day. Today will be fine.

A Good Week

2010-09-20T05:43:00.000-07:00

I'm working on having a good week this week. Last week I let little things get me down. I tend to stress about money worries a little too much. I can make myself feel sick over it. And it's not good for anyone. It makes me argue with Tim and it just basically makes me not enjoy the little things.

We had 2 not great weeks at the restaurant. They weren't horrible by any means, just not where we like to be. I can't help feeling like what if nobody ever comes back. Part of me knows this is silly. But part of me also thinks it's possible. The weeks after Labor Day are known for being the slowest time at restaurants, so I'm not sure why the fact that we're a little slow is so hard for me to get over.

I just keep thinking, this is all we have. Some families have 2 jobs, 2 careers. Not us. We are doing this together and if we fail, what will we do? It's just the scary part of having your own business. When I voice this to my husband or a friend they tend to act like I'm crazy and over reacting. Which I guess maybe I am, but they doesn't mean I can help it.

I could post lots of great reviews that we have gotten, we're involved in the community, people talk about how great the restaurant it. And yet, I still can't shake the feeling, of what if it all ended.

Right now, today, I am going to do my best to stop. I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach, a worried, nagging feeling. But today I will push the feeling away. I will focus on the little things. I will enjoy the moments.

2010-09-17T20:01:00.000-07:00

Well, I've been in a bit of a funk lately. I've been sort of grumpy and half glass empty. I should work on being a little more grateful.

Today I am grateful that I get to bring my daughter to dance class. She loves it so much and i love bringing her. I was also able to sleep in today, Fridays are my one day to sleep in and for that I am grateful.

Lately I've been thinking of how I'm not happy with any of the schooling options here. I've been reading a lot of homeschooling blogs and I thought maybe I can do that. I figured I'm sort of homeschooling her this year. I'm doing a lot of work with her at home. And I've done a lot of research on it. I thought I could give it a go this year and who knows what I'll think next year. I told my husband and he laughed! He said, you could never do that! I was so offended that he was so sure it was such a crazy idea. I just wanted him to say, sure we could do that if you think you're up for it. Or, let's talk about it in a year.

Well, like I said I was grumpy this week. That was just one thing that made me a little bit grumpier.

2010-09-16T05:40:00.000-07:00

I've just been working to get back into the grove of preschool/work. It's nice. It's nice to have some time to think. I can send a email without shielding the keyboard from a 2 year old. I am working on getting more organized at the restaurant. I'm looking forward to this long school year. Summer won't happen again for almost 10 months! And by then, I'll want it and be excited for it.

We've had a lot of confusing stuff going on with Samantha's school. I just don't know what to do. Or I didn't. But now a decision has been made. Let me back up.

Last year she went to a preschool when every other kid was going on to Kindergarten. She has a December birthday. So we didn't want to send her there with all new younger kids. Then we had some issues with the teachers, so the decision was made.

The local public school isn't great. I'm usually of the mind that at this young age, if you're a great parent, it doesn't matter too much. You can overcompensate for the school. But it was only from 9:15 to 11:15. I cannot see driving my kid to school for 2 hours. What would I get done?

Plan #3 - We applied to a private school that was way too expensive but, of course, a great school. We could not afford it, but figured we would get financial aid, which we would. In the end we decided it was ridiculous to spend $7000 (before financial aid) on pre-K. And we have another child. Doesn't that set the precedent that you have to do it for the next one. Do the math, actually I don't even want to know what kind of number that would come up to if you sent your kid to a school like that the whole way, and then multiply it by 2.

Plan #4 - Found a local preschool very close to our house. It looked nice. I knew other people who had gone there. She could go from 7:30 to 12:00. We started her. Day 1, they said, "oh, we didn't realize Samantha was starting today". It was fine, they let her go, but still, I had just spoken to the director the day before. I picked her up at 12. They said, "oh, we didn't know she was a half day". And, there was a television on. Day 1 of school and they had a tv rolled in there, watching Barney. I'm sorry, I'm not anti-TV. I like to limit tv. But shouldn't tv be done on the parents time. Not at school? and the shoe had no lesson or relevance to anything they were talking about.

So, on to Plan #5....

Ella's daycare has a preschool program and a spot opened up on that same day. We took it.

So, now I'm driving them to one place. Two days a week. I wish she was going more, for her sake, but I'm working on doing a lot with her at home too. So, wow, that's our schooling for the last few weeks. I'm not sure why I put this on the blog, but there you go...

2010-09-08T17:48:00.000-07:00

Wow, time is flying by. I can't believe it's September and I'm also so glad that it is. I'm exhausted.

This summer was a insane mix of working like crazy, many short vacations (without husband) and no childcare. We had fun. We did things. No matter how crazy I get, I always feel that it's better to do things and really experience life with your children. We did the fairs. We drove to Cape Cod, Long Island, Pennysylvania, Lake George ... there must have been other things in there.

One of the great things we did this summer was have a babysitter come about once a week to help with the kids. Only about 4 hours, the same sitter often came once a week at night while I worked. The kids got really attached to her. I just love that. When I was in college I was a nanny for a little girl and I just loved her so much. I wound up inviting her and her family to my wedding. I was so involved in her life. I would love for my kids to have someone younger who they really look up and have fun with. It's hard to tell what will happen now that there is school. She'll still babysit once a week. So hopefully they'll continue being close. The babysitter even came to Ella's birthday party, she couldn't stay but she stopped by and brought a gift. I thought that was so cute.

So now we're on to the routine of school. So far, so good. This morning I dropped off Samantha at 7:45 and then went grocery shopping at 8 am. How crazy is that? It actually felt really good to actually accomplish something big so early in the morning. It would be great if that could be a weekly routine for me. We'll see...

New Life

2010-09-03T10:13:00.002-07:00

Things that will happen now that school is back in session:
I will get a solid 12 hours of uninterrupted office work done a week.
I will exercise several times a week.
I will meditate every evening or morning, as needed.
I will have my house organized and clean.
My children will be wonderfully behaved angel children.
I will be extremely "present" with my children when they are home.

I'm not setting my hopes to high am I?

Summer Madness

2010-09-01T17:22:00.000-07:00

So much to tell, birthday parties, fairs, guests visiting, work. School starts tomorrow so I've been trying to enjoy my children. Will update tomorrow.

Glass Half Empty or Half Full

2010-08-26T19:30:00.000-07:00

I did something crazy last week. I took both kids by myself to the Dutchess County Fair.

Version of the Fair Interpertation #1 :
Drove up looking at fair stuff with stars in our eyes.
Saw baby calf born monday (on ellas bday).
Rode the merry go round and thought this is why we came, magic.
Saw the look on the kids faces on the kiddie roller coaster, pure joy.
Hilby the juggler, made my kids balloon animals.
Trying on tie dye shirts
Ella won two fish! (by herself, she threw 2 balls into the goldfish bowls)

Version of the Fair #2:
Tons of traffic
Got out of car, screw fell out of stroller. Tried not to get discouraged.
Tried to balance drink, stroller, and hold Ella in stroller bc she knows how to get out.
Samantha had a huge tantrum with because we almost missed the Hilby the juggler show.
Children having to go potty many times.
We bought 2 ears of corn bc the kids love corn and they didn't eat a bite (for $7).
Both fish are now dead.

A Medley

2010-08-25T11:18:00.000-07:00

The Chasing Fireflies catalog came today, I cannot believe how many beautiful things are in that catalog, and how expensive they are. Who gets to buy these things? I love them. I'm going to have to stick with my old navy and the childrens place items. I love love love this pink dress. I want it (for my kids of course).

I just finished reading "The Time Travelers Wife". I've seen the movie and I think it must the most romantic story ever. I didn't want it to end. And, I want a love like that. I know it's not realistic but still, I am swooning over their love for each other.

My daughter fell asleep on the couch and I've never seen her look cuter.

I went to Pilates this morning. Yay for me!!

I organized 3 closets. Let's hope they can stay that way. I have way more top sheets than bottom and have no idea why. And I hate folding sheets.

The Birthday Post #1

2010-08-24T07:51:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we had a lovely birthday for Ella. We will have a party next weekend. We woke up and had birthday pancakes, with a candle in it. This is one of Tim's family traditions. My favorite part of family life is the mixing of both our traditions. Mine is that you make a birthday dinner, they get to pick. We made lasagna for dinner, one of Ella's favorites, since she can't actually request a real dinner yet. We went to the mall. It is hilarious to me that we went to the mall for Ella's birthday. You can tell we live in the country and not the suburbs. My kids never go to malls, so it is a real treat for them. Samantha thinks the mall is the best place ever. So we brought them to the mall that is an hour away and went to build a bear. They each got something. But now, we agreed next time the person who isn't having a birthday can get something small, a new shirt for the bear to wear, and not get a new bear. The whole thing cost $65 for 2 bears! Oh well, it's her birthday.

When we got home we made dinner and my parents came over. It was a perfect little birthday. She got a cradle for her baby, a piano, a little people barn toy and a highchair for her baby from Samantha.

They are now playing happily with the new toys. It worked out perfectly for her realy birthday to be almost a week before the party. It all seems very relaxed and nice to enjoy the birthday as a small family.

On a side note, how do you deal with a 4 year old thinking pretending to pee and poop on things is hilarious. It really bugs me, and Ella copies everything she says. Do you just let them do this stuff and get it out of their system, or are time outs in order? A time out seems excessive for saying, "I'm pretending to pee on my toys" but it really bugs me. Does this make me a terrible mom? Oh, and as I type this she's doing it over and over again. Surely, just to bug me.

Perceptions

2010-08-24T05:35:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Ella's 2nd birthday. It amazes me how at times she seems so big and grown up and other times she seems like such a baby still.

On Samantha's 2nd birthday, we found out we were pregnant. We had wanted another child and had a miscarriage 2 months before. We were so excited, we were so ready for another child, Samantha seemed like such a big girl.

This time around, not so much. I still want 3 children, but cannot fathom doing it now. It all just seems like so much work. We're getting it down. We still have good days and bad. Working from home and parenting mostly alone is just so much work. I hope in a year I feel differently. I hope I figure this whole thing out.

Last night Sam would not go to sleep. She wound up going to sleep on the floor in our room. I felt like a bad parent. She was saying she was scared to be in her room. My head was telling me, she needs discipline, she needs to go to bed when she's told, school is starting soon. But another part of me was saying, it's been a long day, it's 10:00 and I really need to relax before bed, I need to read my book. It's my sanity. And so, I let her fall asleep on the floor of our room, and then we moved her.

I'm not sure what the point of this story is. I think I thought the hard times of parenting would be easier than they are. But I also thought the good times wouldn't be as good as they are. So there you have it, this parenting thing sort of makes me feel bipolar.

Happy Birthday Sweet Ella Grace. We love you.

Those Days...

2010-08-22T13:47:00.000-07:00

Wow, it is one of those days. I had lots to do today. I was going to be productive. But then I woke up to rain, and it has been a downpour all day. It is incapacitating me. I am unable to go grocery shopping. The thought of bringing 2 kids and groceries in and out of the car is the least appealing thing I can think of. I just want to sit on the couch all day. So, it will be a macaroni and cheese kind of dinner day. A get nothing done day. Well, I will attempt to clean the closet.

I am groggy, I actually feel like the rain. I guess that will happen when you're on "vacation" yet again with your kids and no husband. A 5 hour ride on vacation. When I returned on Friday I had to go to work 1 hour after I got back. I worked Friday night, I woke up early Saturday to be at the farmers market by 8:30. I worked the farmers market until 1, then had to be back at work at 5. Yuck. No wonder I feel like this.

Tomorrow is Ella's birthday! I had big plans for today so we could do nothing but focus on Ella tomorrow. The plan is to go to the children's museum and then build a bear, and then come home and have lasagna and cake.

The rain is so loud, it is a downpour. I'm trying to do something more exciting with the kids than sit around in the playroom, but it's just not happening.

It's a big week and I'm exhausted, county fair this week, the big bday, family visiting on Friday, work on the weekend, and a birthday party next Sunday. Wish us luck getting through it all!

PS - Yesterday, in the 2 hours I had before I had to go to work, both kids fell asleep. This never happens. A normal person would take a nap. Did I do that? Noo... Of course not. I somehow wound up typing "My So Called Life" into youtube. And watching 2 episodes. And you know what, it was so much fun. Jordan Catalano is still the hottest guy ever, don't tell my husband.
So worth skipping the nap...

Day Off

2010-08-15T19:02:00.000-07:00

tomorrow is my day off. I am "allowed" to do whatever I want all day. I do have to do some actual work, but honestly, getting work done in peace without the children around is a luxury I do not have lately. My plan was to go to work in the morning, go for a walk, I have a brief meeting at 2 pm. Then I was actually considering seeing 2 movies. There are 2 I want to see and I haven't been to the movies in at least a year. Then I'll have dinner with a friend. This day to myself sounds great. However, I actually feel a little guilty at the thought of going to 2 movies, going for a walk, and not stopping home to see the kids at all. So we'll see how it goes. I can't feel too guilty, I am taking them away alone again, this time to Cape Cod on Wed. morning. It's not like they don't see me often, and yet I still feel like I shouldn't be gone all day. I'm still excited about it!!

Today, was sort of stressful. I don't know what's wrong with me lately, I seem to be having trouble handling kid related stress. I think it's the business stuff on top of it. I used to be fine. I was driving a half hour away today and Sam was being really annoying and Ella was screaming in the car. There was nothing I could do. I turned up some music they like and chanted to myself, you wanted this, you wanted to have another baby, it was all your idea. And then I tried to list the things I am grateful for, but that's for another post.

Butterfly Garden

2010-08-13T11:41:00.000-07:00

Today, we went to the Butterfly Farm. First, Samantha informed me that it would not be cool, because she sees butterflies all the time. Then, she saw the website and decided it might be cool.

It was about a half hour away. I got out of the house on time. Amazing, I was very impressed with myself just for that. I remembered the snacks, water and diapers. When we were halfway there I realized I forgot the wipes, oh well, I would just hope for the best.

Oh, I also forgot the ergo. Ella never wants to go in the ergo anymore. She wants to walk like her big sister. Well, not today. "Hold me" "Hold me". So I held her. We went for a walk where we see lots of butterflies. It got a little more fun then. The kids were into it. Then came the time to describe how a butterfly is born. This took awhile. Ella did not behave. She was walking around, touching things in the teachers display. I was getting a little discouraged. I was thinking, 'why do I do this stuff?' It's supposed to be fun. I'll take pictures and in 6 months will we remember how much fun we had, or will I remember this feeling I'm having?' We learned all about pupas, caterpillars and butterflies. We saw real caterpillar eggs, real pupas, real butterflies. Samantha was really enjoying it.

Then we went into the butterfly "room". Lots of butterflies around, the kids had a great time. Definitely the highlight of the trip. Then Samantha had to go to the bathroom. There was a really gross port a potty, the kids dropped their snacks in the port a potty. Always a good time... it's always exciting with us. Snacks went in the garbage and we went for a walk to the dragonfly pond.

This is probably where the "real" highlight of the trip happened. Thankfully, we were alone when this occurred. We went down the trail to the pond. Then Samantha had to use the bathroom (#2) in the middle of the woods near the pond. I was terrified someone would walk down there. she could not wait and had to go right then. So I told her to go. Just then Ella sprinted down the path in the other direction. I was yelling at her to stop, she wouldn't stop. Samantha is on the other end, screaming "mommy, mommy". Seriously, Ella would not stop. It was pretty crazy. Then my cell started ringing. I sprinted, grabbed Ella and ran back to Sam. It was a fairly long path we were on. Thank God, nobody walked down at that moment and witnessed my craziness.

Then, as if we were in 2 alternate worlds, we walked backed to the others, ran and played and acted as none of this had happened.

Wow, I'm tired again just thinking about it all. Pictures (of the fun moments) to come.

2010-08-12T19:58:00.000-07:00

Well, I have to admit, I'm reading all the accounts of blogher and it sure does seem like a lot of fun. I'm a little jealous. And it was in New York of all places. I love New York, I used to live there. I'm not too far away. It also seems so great to form all those connections with other bloggers. Oh well, maybe next year, maybe I'll really dedicate myself to blogging and go next year.

Tonight I went out alone to dinner with my two girls. We actually had a enjoyable experience. We went to the local chinese restaurant. I had sushi and the girls had miso soup, edamame and egg rolls. Dinner of champions, right? We laughed, talked and had a good time. It was nice to do something fun and everyday with them. We parked far from the restaurant because the girls wanted to walk. We slowly walked back stopping to talk to the people we knew, stopping to jump off steps and relish in the everyday things that kids find so enjoyable. This is it, I thought. This is why we are here. This is why we are parents, to enjoy these moments, to remember these moments. This makes all the hard time worth it. Before we got to the car a stranger stopped us and said, "it's so nice to see such beautiful girls having so much fun." I thought, yes it is. It is indeed. And how nice to have someone else notice that.

Tomorrow we are going on a trip to a butterfly farm. I'm hoping it's everything it should be.

2010-08-07T21:14:00.000-07:00

After a busy weekend of working, the children and I are off to the inlaws house for a few days. We leave tomorrow am. I think this will be a sort of vacation for me, I hope. I am hoping I get to relax and get some work done. Be back Wednesday.

4 hour ride alone with 2 kids...wish me luck.

Uh oh...

2010-08-05T15:39:00.000-07:00

I am looking forward to bedtime. I think it will have to be a movie night for my own sanity. Kids ate a lovely dinner of scrambled eggs with veggies. They are driving me somewhat crazy. 8 o'clock movie for Samantha, tucked in my bed sounds just perfect.

Things done today:
went shopping with insane children
witnessed tantrums
Heard kids arguing
Made dinner
Try to relax while cleaning up
Find huge poop on bathroom floor (yes, seriously)

Things to do tonight:
Find hotel for family visiting
Find kennel for dog of family visiting
Make Ella's birthday invitations
Sign and stuff envelopes for community center
Give baths
Relax?!?!
Read new book

Oh, and in other random news:
Better Midler came to the restaurant today and I was not there to see it.
And we counted the money in Samantha's piggy bank so she could buy her sister a bday present. She had $142! I was shocked!

blah, blah, blah

2010-08-01T13:56:00.000-07:00

In laws are visiting, we had a busy day. I got home from work at 12:30 am and Ella woke up at 3:30. She went back to sleep with me but was tossing and turning. Not a great night of sleep. We are about to attempt to go out to eat (me and in laws and children) at our restaurant. Wish us luck. I get anxiety just thinking of bringing the children out to eat. You just never know how they'll be. We're going at 5:30, so hopefully it will be early enough that it will be fine.

Tomorrow my husband and I are involved in a fun event called the Columbia County Bounty. It should be a fun event where we make food that was donated from local farms. It should be a great event to get out there and talk about the restaurant.

It will be a busy week and pilates was cancelled tomorrow. That usually keeps me sane, when I know I have one or two exercise days already scheduled in. I was planning on going tomorrow, so I'm kind of bummed it was cancelled.

Samantha isms

2010-07-30T08:30:00.001-07:00

"Ella, you just have to be more dependable" (this was said while jumping on the bed)

Then I heard Ella step on Samantha's foot. Samantha said, "it didn't hurt, but now you need a time out. Should it be for 1 minute or two? Because you're almost 2." This was all while I was in the next room. I hear Ella say, "okay" and sit down.

A Medley of Sorts

2010-07-30T05:26:00.001-07:00

It's been a busy week. It's been pretty good. I feel like I've been productive at work, so that's always a good thing. The restaurant is really busy. Which is awesome. It's packed every week night. I love it. However, when we're that busy I can't help think, is this going to last? How long will it stay like this? Will we be able to pay our bills in the winter? I have to work on being more positive. I should be reveling in how great our restaurant is going, not worrying when we will fail. A work in progress.

In other news, Meryl Streep came to the restaurant last night and Sandra Boynton (the childrens author). So that was exciting.

For famous people, I think that makes those two plus Frank Langella, Kevin Bacon (who was really cool to meet) Jane Curtin, I think I'm missing one or two. I've never been someone to get really excited to meet famous people. I never ask for autographs, pictures, I am just polite and friendly. But still, it's cool to have them come to your restaurant.

I still don't know what to do about swimming. We haven't been back. Swimming meets for one more week. However, next week is also this art camp. Samantha has gone before and loved it. I'm just torn between wanting her to have fun, but I'm not sure about getting her there 5 days a week at 9 am. There will be plenty of time for that in the fall. I cannot decide what to do. It meets for 2 weeks starting Monday.

My in laws are coming this weekend when Tim and I will be working a lot so we won't really get to see them.

The kids are playing really nicely and being really quiet. That probably means I should go check on them.

Help, Swim Lesson Dilemma

2010-07-27T10:52:00.000-07:00

Hello, we're having a bit of a parenting dilemma here at our household. My 4 1/2 year old is taking swimming lessons. She has taken lessons before at many different places, private lessons, ymca lessons, at peoples houses. She is very close to swimming. So I signed her up for Level 1 lessons at the town beach. There are about 5 kids in the class. It started yesterday. She talks about it often, says she wants to do it, but when we're there freaks out.

She won't do what the teacher says. Also, she is the only kid who is freaking out. She is perfectly capable of doing what they are asking her to do. After yesterdays freak out, we went early today and she was practicing. As soon as the teacher and other kids got there, she freaked. Screaming ensued and basically nobody was having any fun at all. I am at a loss. This kid loves to swim, wants to swim. What do I do?

One thing I'm thinking is that the teacher is a guy, all of her other teachers in classes, school, art stuff have been youngish females who are fun and bubbly. He's a bit tough, nice, but a bit tough. Also, the other kids have no problem putting there head under water and she doesn't like that. Still, no one is pushing her to do anything she doesn't want to do. She is freaking just about standing near the class.

So, my question is, do I make her go? Do I keep going, but don't push her and deal with her freak outs (which frankly seems disruptive to the class). I really don't want her to be seen as a "baby". But I only want her to do things she feels comfortable with. I'm sort of struggling here. I'm not sure how to handle it. I want her to be able to push through something when she feels uncomfortable to see that it will be okay. I'm right there with her. I don't know, is anyone out there who has any thoughts on this?

Thanks in advance.

something I love...

2010-07-24T11:16:00.000-07:00

Hearing my 4 year old belt out the words to Lean on Me. So cute. I should video tape it next time.

Oh, and I saw Meryl Streep today while picking up my CSA share. We belong to the same CSA. How cool is that?

finishing a great book.

Hearing my friend had a baby and being so happy for her but not wanting one of my own (yet). This is a great feeling because my husband certainly does not want more children anytime soon.

watching the girls swim and have a great time with the babysitter.

hearing my daughter want to help me with the laundry.

having dance parties.

Change

2010-07-23T06:47:00.000-07:00

I loved this song as a teenager, and I still do. Whenever I'm having a tough moment, this song seems to comfort me. Words to live by, I think.
Change by Blind Melon

I don't feel the suns comin' out today

its staying in, its gonna find another way.

As I sit here in this misery, I don't

think I'll ever see the sun from here.

And oh as I fade away,

they'll all look at me and say, and they'll say,

Hey look at him! I'll never live that way.

But that's okay

they're just afraid to change.

When you feel your life ain't worth living

you've got to stand up and

take a look around you then a look way up to the sky.

And when your deepest thoughts are broken,

keep on dreaming boy, cause when you stop dreamin' it's time to die.

And as we all play parts of tomorrow,

some ways will work and other ways we'll play.

But I know we all can't stay here forever,

so I want to write my words on the face of today.

and then they'll paint it

And oh as I fade away,

they'll all look at me and they'll say,

Hey look at him and where he is these days.

When life is hard, you have to change.

sometimes

2010-07-22T16:40:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel like the worst mom. Sometimes I feel like I juggle too much and yell too much. I'm on my own with the kids almost all the time. My husband is home one day a week. Usually that day he sleeps in, or we're too busy doing something we had planned.

Yesterday was a tough day. I got the kids all ready to go to the beach. We got there and it started thundering. Everyone had to get out of the water. Then there was a crazy storm. I drove to my husbands job and waited it out. It stopped. So I went to the grocery store. Another crazy downpour. I went home, trees down on my street. No power at home. I kept trying to call the electric company and the town hall to report the tree down. My cell kept cutting out. The kids were going crazy. Literally they both wanted to be on top of me at all times. I was trying not to lose it. I started to feel all, poor me. I have to do everything myself. I just want for once someone to help me.

I know I'm whining and I'm feeling better today. Yesterday everything felt so hard. Today it feels doable.

Today we were dancing and listening to some rock n roll. Everything felt perfect. I caught a glimpse of us in a mirror, dancing and singing. I thought, I am a great mom. These are the moments they will remember. I have to believe that. I'm doing the best I can. As long as I have more great moments than crazy moments, it will all be okay.

Almost Party Time

2010-07-21T09:06:00.000-07:00

I am starting to think about Ella's birthday party. She turns 2 next month! I can't believe it. I'm excited about having a summer birthday kid. Great for parties. I was thinking of having a owl theme. I'm having dreams of being all martha stewarty and making my own invites and making these cake pops that I found on bakerella. My husband kindly informed me that I was crazy and there's no way I can pull that off. Lovely, I'm so glad he has so much faith in me.

So, of course, now I only want to do it more. I can do this, I'm sure of it.

How cool are these?

There's so many to choose from. I think I will try one in the next week or so as a trial run. I also found a adorable owl dress for Ella for her bday.

The great thing about a second child is that I in no way feel that I need to get her a gift. There will be other people for that. So I can just focus on having a really fun summer party.

More to come soon, I might have to head to the craft store later...

Summertime

2010-07-20T07:05:00.000-07:00

We've had some fun times lately. We went to Lake George on vacation. I came back and worked for 2 days and then I went off to visit a friend in Pa. for a night. I hadn't seen her in years. She lives in Jamaica and was here visiting her family for a month. She is having a baby in September. She has a big huge family (she is one of 10) and there were lots of kids there. It was lots of fun, I just wish I could've stayed longer.

At the last minute my mother offered to keep Ella with her so I could just go with Samantha. I was torn on what to do. I wanted my friend to meet Ella, but Ella is a terrible sleeper and it's hard for her to share a room with me and Samantha when we're staying with someone else. So I asked Samantha if she wanted to go with me alone or not. She got very excited and said, yes, yes, yes! So off we went. I had mixed feelings on it. It was easier without Ella there, but she would have had fun. There were 2 other kids her age. We went swimming in a lake and that would have been almost impossible to do with both kids alone. So we had fun. On our way back I told Samantha she should tell her sister about it. She said she wished Ella was there too. I reminded her that she wanted to go alone. She replied, I know, but if I knew it was going to be that much fun I would have wanted Ella to be able to do it too. That was a sweet sister moment. It reminded me that there will be many moments like this throughout their lives. It was nice to have time alone with Samantha. We have lots more going on this summer where they will both be there.

Today we are off to the beach, to the farm to pick up our CSA stuff and to my parents for dinner.

Home is Where the Heart Is... And I Thought It was Just a Old Wives Tale

2010-07-14T07:55:00.000-07:00

Vacation is going well. It's nice to see the kids having fun, they love swimming in the lake. There's just these two little things.

Thing Number 1: Vacation with 2 kids is just so damn exhausting. It's fun. But naps are hard to come by, cranky kids. Getting up early after staying up late.

Thing Number 2: I miss my husband. Now this doesn't happen often. Tim and I are so busy running a restaurant and living hectic crazy lives. We don't spend a lot of quality time together, but we also don't often genuinely miss each other. It might actually be kind of good for the marriage. Oh yeah, you, who I get annoyed with a lot and who sleeps so much, I actually do miss you when you're not around to annoy me. Imagine that!

Yesterday Samantha said she doesn't remember what daddy looks like. Nice. She saw him very briefly on Saturday and briefly on Friday. So there's that.

Last night, when I thought Tim would be finishing up I texted my husband. I don't think I've ever texted him before. Maybe one line, but we never actually had a conversation via text. It was kind of fun. We went back and forth a little. It almost felt like we were flirting.

So I'm sort of ready to get home. We were supposed to leave Friday morning, and I have to work Friday night and I'm sure the house will be a disaster. So I'm thinking of leaving Thursday night. Enjoying the next 2 days and then getting back. It's been great, but I think we're getting ready to be home.

The day I left was our 7 year anniversary, so there's that too. We didn't actually get to celebrate and probably won't for another week. So there's that to look forward to. Maybe we should go home Thursday and do something nice Friday morning before the craziness of the weekend starts.

Vacation

2010-07-12T04:49:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm leaving for a vacation in Lake George. I had a very busy weekend at work, and was a little stressed about this not being a real "vacation" when you're going without your spouse, it kind of just blends into the other days.

But then I received a gift. My sister called and offered to take both kids up to the vacation house Saturday afternoon for me. I was leaving Monday morning. My eyes lit up, but cautiously. Are you sure you can handle that. She assured me she could, both her and her husband would be there.

And I said Hallelujah.

I have not spend a full day without my children since my second was born. Think of all the things I could get done. I could get my paperwork done. Clean the house. Take a nap.

They pulled out of the driveway and I did some cleaning up. Then I laid in bed, for my first nap since Ella was a infant. The phone rings, Tim needed me to go to the store for him and then go into work early. Blah! I felt sort of cheated. Oh well, I wasn't paying a babysitter and that more than made up for no nap.

After work I stayed and had a drink without adding in my head how much money I was spending on the babysitter with each 30 minutes I stayed. It was luxurious. We slept in, I slept until 9:30. Yesterday I took my nap, cleaned, did laundry, did officework, and missed my little ones. But in a good way. In a "it's nice and quiet and I can get stuff done, but I can clean their rooms and think of them and how much I miss them". Oh, and I finished a book!

Now it's Monday morning and I'm getting ready to go join them on vacation. In a few hours I will be with them. I have a feeling my vacation might be much easier since I had this much needed "break" before my "vacation". Things are looking good. I'm excited for the week.

2010-07-09T10:57:00.000-07:00

deep breaths, a crazy day.

This makes me smile. Found on Girls Gone Child.

Wish I had some of what that girl has.

Okay so I don't know how to upload a youtube video. Go to youtube.

Enter Edward Sharpe & The magnetic Zeros "Home"
I recommend "live at kcrw" but they're all pretty good.
Add a smile to your day.

2010-07-05T07:37:00.001-07:00

We had a lovely party yesterday. A good time was had by all. So much fun, in fact, that I didn't even take any pictures. I always take pictures. It was really nice to relax, have fun and not worry about anything. There were many children playing happily in our tiny ladybug sandbox. Half naked children playing happily in the kiddie pool. Grown ups laughing without a care in the world. Some very lame fireworks, but Samantha still thought they were the most amazing things in the world. It was a good day.

It was the first time we really got a chance to enjoy our amazing backyard and deck. And it was the perfect amount of people. 20 adults, about 10 kids. There was no stress about when to get food out, clean up, it was just easy. The house isn't prefect looking today, but it isn't too bad either.

Today we skipped camp for the day and are just enjoying a lazy morning after a party. Decompressing and just chillin on the deck with tons of leftover food.

2010-07-03T20:38:00.000-07:00

After wanting things to calm down and be more simple I just had a crazy night at work. Everything was wrong. Issues with staff, issues with friends, air conditioner broke, just a crazy night. I need some calm before I head off to sleep. I am so confused by this staff/friend issue. I guess it get complicated when people who work for you are considered friends. But in some senses that is what can make your business so great. When you're surrounded by people who really care. Well, tonight is doesn't really feel that way. The night ended with a employee and very close friend storming out and I honestly have no idea why.

I'm worried that the end of our friendship could be near. I care about him a lot and truly value his friendship, but when night like this happen, I just don't understand. We're so close, so if he was upset, why wouldn't he talk to me? It makes me feel that he doesn't value my friendship by storming out without saying anything. I don't know. I was driving home thinking, if he valued my friendship he wouldn't of done that. Or he would have cooled down and called and I would have found out what was wrong.

This also might be a fundamental issue of what is different between males and females. As stated this is a male/female relationship I'm discussing. I find that women tend to want to deal with things right away, figure it out, say what's on their mind and all that.

Men seem to sometimes be the opposite. Maybe that's the really issue here and I'm treating it as a friendship with a female. Men and women are just different. I'm confused by all this now and I think I will just sleep on it and see what happens tomorrow.

Yeah, we're having our party tomorrow!

My Mind is on the Blink

2010-07-03T10:55:00.000-07:00

So... my cell phone broke. I was planning on going to get a new one today, however it's a 30 min drive away.
I worked until midnight last night and then worked the farmers market stand from 8:30 to 1:30 (which is fun but still). The babysitter is coming at 5:30, I have errands to run and we're having a party here tomorrow. I will be working from 5:30 to midnight today. So I am just so exhausted I think I will have to be without a cell phone until Monday. I don't even want to go to the store 5 miles away.

wow, I think even typing that out might have made me more tired.

Lightening It Up

2010-07-02T11:43:00.001-07:00

Even I am tired of the negativity around here. So in a attempt to discuss something a little lighter:

We're a croc family. I love crocs, for the kids only.
For me, I like reefs. Note: I'm not too crazy, even though we have 4 pairs of crocs and only 2 kids, they're all in a different size, each child has 2 pairs, one from last year (that they still wear) and one from this year (that they'll wear next year too). Brilliant plan, right? I think crocs are so great on kids.

I however, need something new. I want a flip flop that looks a little nicer, but no heel or anything like that. We'll see...

Simple Pleasures

2010-07-02T11:13:00.000-07:00

I love driving in the summer with the windows down when a favorite song just happens to come on the radio. It gives you this, anything is possible feeling.

This hasn't happened to me lately, but I'm hoping it will soon.

On the Edge

2010-07-01T18:37:00.001-07:00

I have so had enough lately. Everything is overwhelming to me. I think it's too much time alone with the kids. And it's summer, we're supposed to be out having FUN. Not getting overwhelmed, depressed, stressing about how to have fun.

The kids are overwhelming me easily lately. The whining, the arguing, the why does it sound like your sister is outside? Is she outside? Let her in, she's not a dog you know. (This happenned today).

I tend to argue with my husband when I feel like this. He thinks I'm being all, poor me. At least you have time to do what you want, he says. Do I really, I'm not so sure. Do I have a flexible schedule, yes. But I definitely don't get to do what I want. I don't remember the last time I got to try something on in a dressing room. Or go to the bathroom in a public place without yelling, do not open that door to a almost 2 year old.

And I'm not trying to complain but when your husband works 6 days a week, 12 hours a day and barely helps on his day off, because he's tired, it's hard, that's all.
And I too am trying to balance working from home and working at the restaurant 2 nights a week. He does not see where I am coming from at all, and I guess I don't really see where he's coming from either.

Oh well. sorry for such a downer post. Look at these cuties that I get to spend so much time with...

Oh and another thing, I thought kids were supposed to be worn out in the summer from running and swimming and all that? My four year old has been staying up until 10 every night. She will not sleep.

Tomorrow will be a great day, I'm sure of it.

2010-06-30T19:23:00.000-07:00

Words cannot express how much I do NOT want to go to DMV tomorrow.
It's 40 min away, Samantha is at camp from 9-12, it's not how I want to spend my morning.
I have a bad feeling that there will be something I need that I don't have and will have to do it again, that's just my luck.

Must think happy thoughts.

2010-06-30T04:12:00.000-07:00

It's our first official week of summer vacation and as I expected, it's all about finding the balance. so far, every day this week I wanted to make it to the beach, but it hasn't happenned yet. The nap times are off, I have work to do, something inevitably comes up. I thought if we just keep our beach bag packed in the car, it has to work sometime. At home we have swings, kiddie pool, sprinkler, a yard to run in. Sometimes when I watch them having so much fun here I think this must be enough. They enjoy it so much that I wonder why I'm trying to force something "bigger and better" into our crazy schedule? Maybe we should just save the beach mostly for our small vacations we have coming up.

I have been reading Momma's Gone City lately and have a major case of stroller envy. I have always loved strollers and it has now been about 2 years since I've gotten a new one. Jessica recently reviewed the Bob Double and Joovy Caboose, I have wanted both of those for awhile.

When I had Samantha we had the Bumbleride Flyer and the Maclaren Triumph. Then we got a used jogger. When I had Ella it was a big debate over what double stroller to get. I wanted the Maclaren double, a double jogger. I basically wanted them all. I wound up getting the Phil and Teds Dash. It is a great stroller. I loved it. But lately I haven't been using it too much. I don't use strollers often so I probably don't need the Joovy but I think the double jogger would be perfect. After reading the review I found out 2 friends of mine have the Bob Double, so of course I want it more. And my husband thinks I'm crazy. So I think I will have to start scouring craigslist for one.

Summertime Blues

2010-06-25T07:46:00.000-07:00

I travel alone (with my children alone) often. I have mixed feelings about this. It is sometimes great to be able to do what I want, when I want to do it (within reason of course). But sometimes I am so tired of doing everything alone. I feel like a single mom at times. When I return my husband will say, you've been on vacation. He has no idea what its like to deal with the kids 24 hours a day when you're not at home. I know, I sound like poor me. And it's not that bad, I am getting to do things. but when I get home to dishes in the sink, clothes on the floor, I might have well as stayed home. I am so tired when returning from a few days away from home with my kids.

This week I drove 4 hours to my inlaws house. Driving that far with ella is never fun. It's hard to be the only adult in the car when driving with 2 children.

This summer we will be going to Pennsylvania, Cape Cod, Lake George and New Jersey. The trips are anywhere from 1.5 to 6 hours. I am going on all of these trips alone. I have to fit them into my work schedule, I am almost always returning on a Friday when I have to go right to work. I am exhausted just thinking about it. But the fun times, the pictures, the memories will all make it worth it, right?

Like I said I have mixed feelings, of course, a part of me wants to do it. Or I wouldn't do it. But I just wish my husband didn't feel like, I was on vacation while he was working. I think we need to have a talk before our next trip. I actually think it's like a vacation for him too. He has nothing to do other than go to work. Nobody is asking for help with the kids, he's just going to work, watching tv and going to bed.

Oh well, it's going to be a great summer, right?

Missing You

2010-06-20T11:05:00.001-07:00

This morning my baby girl left to spend 2 or 3 night all by herself at her grandparents house. I was sure it was a great idea. They asked about it one year ago. We have spent a lot of time building up to this. They live 4 hours away. The came, spent a few days and took her back with them. I'll go visit on Tuesday or Wednesday and bring her home Thursday.

As soon as I woke up this morning I had reservations. My in laws were already up, getting ready to leave. It felt as though things were moving too quickly. I went and looked in Samantha's room and she was already downstairs. My heart deflated a bit. I had plans to sneak into her room, whisper thought about how much fun she would have and how much I'd miss her. My baby is growing up.

"Do you still want to go?"

"Of course, mommy. I can do this, I'm a 4 year old."

Okay, I can be strong, if she is, I can be. I won't let her see that I'm sad, because she shouldn't be sad, she should have a wonderful time. they have a pool. Her cousins live next door. This will be wonderful for her.

"Mommy, if you're lonely, don't worry, you still have Ella here with you."

So sweet. When she left Ella was very upset. She was crying, "don't leave". She said, "Me, me." As in, what about me? For about 20 minutes, Ella cried after she left. I was being so selfish, only thinking of myself. Ella has never been without her big sister, I didn't think about that. Somehow Ella could sense that she wasn't just going to school, that she would be gone a longer time. I hugged Ella, it will be okay. Just a few days...

Just think of all the things I can get done with one kid instead of 2. We can all do this... When can I call to check in?

Ticks

2010-06-16T13:58:00.000-07:00

I found a tick on Ella today. Whenever I find a tick I get so grossed out for the rest of the day. I constantly feel like I must have something crawling on me. The thought of the tick crawling around on my kids is just so gross. We happen to live in a place where lyme disease is extremely prevalent. I hate that about our area. I check the kids nightly for ticks. Ella especially scares me because of her crazy hair. It would be so easy for a little tick to hide out in that hair. I know at least 6 people with lyme disease and that is without me really stopping to think about it at all. Chances are someone in our family will have it at some point. What can be done about it? Nothing at all. I feel like we just sit and wait.
Of course, we can check the kids nightly. But those e buggers are tiny, it would be easy to miss one.

There are some beautiful areas around us. Lots of great places for nature walks and hikes. It is unfortunate that every place that is the most beautiful has a very high chance of ticks there. Last year the girls and I went on a hike. We were wearing long pants and shirts and yet when we came home between the three of us I found 8 ticks on us. On the drive home Samantha said, "there's a spider on my leg". I looked and it was a tick.

You'll have to excuse me after this conversation I feel like I have ticks crawling up my back... yuck.

Picture of my little Ella Bella and Innisfree Garden (from there website).

A Do Nothing Day

2010-06-15T07:20:00.000-07:00

I really wish I could do nothing today. Yesterday I watched a friends child until 1 AM. She was sleeping, of course, but I waited up for them to come get her. I never have do nothing days. I got to sleep in a little, until 9. So we're slowly getting it together, I'm just drinking my coffee now. So, I guess we'll have a do nothing morning, that will have to be good enough for me.

Today we have the last dance class, we have to go pick up our CSA and I have to go grocery shopping.

It can be so hard to find the balance between letting your kids have activities and free time. Add into the mix you actually have to accomplish and it gets tricky. I think this summer I will have a goal to have one day a week that is unscheduled. That won't always be possible due to some camps she's already going to go to, but we can try our best.

I just want some days to lounge around, fill up the kiddie pool and hang out. Isn't that almost sad that I have to over plan the other days just to make time for a relaxing day?

Ballerinas

2010-06-13T19:35:00.001-07:00

We had dress rehearsal for Samantha's recital on Saturday. We can only take pics at the rehearsal so, here are some pictures. My little ballerina.

It's so funny watching them on stage. They are dancing (sort of) and all looking at each other. You can see the moments when they forget they're supposed to be doing something and just space out. Then they remember and quickly so something resembling dancing. It's pretty funny to watch. They are adorable.

This is from the ballet number, Beauty and the Beast. This is a serious dance recital. 2 1/2 hours and the opening number is very impressive, singing, dancing, it's quite good.

Samantha loves to dance, it is so exciting to see her in a recital. She wants to wear her costume every day. But no, she can't. Why mommy? "Because what if you pee in it? Then everyone will thing you smell like pee. Ballerinas don't smell like pee." Such a good answer, I think.

CSA

2010-06-13T07:15:00.000-07:00

I joined a CSA this year. I've been wanting to do it for years and finally this year I made it happen. I'm excited to cook great, fresh foods. I'm a little nervous that my kids won't eat it, but if I just keep making it, they'll come around, right? My kids eat vegetables but they're a little picky about what veggies. They love asparagus, broccoli, strong beans, corn, and cauliflower. They're not so into leafy greens. Last week I got lettuce, bok choy, turnips and radishes. I was a little nervous about how it would turn out. But I cooked the bok choy and they ate it! They were skeptical at first, but I told them they had to try it. I just made a rule that every other day I would make a vegetable I know they will like if they try new things on the other days.

In other CSA news, on the first pick up day I totally forgot! What a wierdo I am. I really feel like I am two different people, work Taryn and home/mom Taryn. And when the worlds collide I seem like a spazzy forgetful crazy person. I called the farmer, who I know b/c he comes to our restaurant and we get veggies from him for the restaurant. So, I called him the night of the pick up day and told him I completely forgot about it. The day of the pick up was the day I had brought Sam to a new school to look at for next year, dance class and had pictures taken of the kids. I kept reviewing in my head what else I needed to do that day, I knew I was forgetting something but had no idea what. He called the next day and said no problem and dropped off my stuff to me the next day. It was so awesome to get a box full of fresh veggies.

When I'm with my children, out in public, I often feel all over the place. Sometimes I'll run into people who know me from the restaurant with my kids. They say, "Oh, I didn't know you had children." I hear this as, 'Oh, I didn't know you were a crazy person who is trying to get through cvs without one child having a tantrum and the other whining incessantly.'
Who know what they really think. But it's a constant struggle for me to handle everything in my life while still putting forth a "professional, put together" image in everyday life. Every day I am talking about the restaurant and finding ways to promote it, so it is important to me to really try not to be that crazy mom sometimes. Oh well, as long as I have more good days than bad, I guess we're on the right track.

2010-06-12T20:45:00.000-07:00

I own these and they are awesome.

I feel like a superstar in them.
A superstar who's feet are a little sore after wearing them for 6 hours, but a superstar still.

Waiting tables and hostessing in shoes like that is pretty impressive. I got comments all night and it was great.

Everyone should have a pair of awesome gold shoes.

Anything is Possible

2010-06-11T11:10:00.000-07:00

I have discovered Glee, the TV show, and if it isn't the best thing since sliced bread I don't know what is.

I think it is my prozac. Feeling down? Depressed? Watch a excerpt of Glee. Instant happiness. I was so happy since watching it last night.

Me, to Tim, "I really should have pursued music more, music makes anything seem possible." tim says, "Pursuing more would imply that you ever pursued it at all." Touche, my dear husband.

Ah, but it's never too late, right? Broadway here I come...

In Memory

2010-06-09T19:17:00.000-07:00

Rest in Peace, Nana, we love you.

Balance

2010-06-09T18:41:00.000-07:00

Most days it feels as though it is nearly impossible to find balance in my crazy life. I struggle from one thing to the next, never feeling like I'm quite handling it all. It's a frustrating life at times. So I work hard and finding the small joys, the things I am grateful for. I don't want to remember this time in my life as a time when I feel inadequate daily. I should be enjoying my kids, remembering this time, having fun with my business. I don't want to get caught up in all the daily stuff and miss all the good stuff.

One thing I have truly been grateful for lately is my great friends. This has really been shown to me lately. My friends are willing to help me out all the time. They take my children without a second thought. It really means a lot to have friends who I can call in a bind and they will take my children. I hope you know I will do the same for all of you anytime. Owning a business with 2 small children would be impossible without my great friends and family. Thank you all.

So now it's on to focusing on the small accomplishments, and working on my daily struggle to get something done, focusing on the little things and not the big overwhelming feeling that I am not doing good enough.

My Day Today

2010-06-08T13:11:00.001-07:00

A lost (brand new) earring

A visit to a possible new school for my daughter

Dance class

Errands, not getting them all done

Receiving stressful information about dance rehearsals and dance recitals

A very messy house

Not fun bill paying

Trying to find something to wear for the kids photo shoot tonight

2010-06-04T13:22:00.000-07:00

I have had the worst day. Let's see, well actually it's been the worst last 2 days.
Yesterday was my husbands grandmothers funeral which we drove 4 hours to get to. We rushed back b/c we had to work last night. We cut it really close with getting home in time. We got a flat tire on the way home.

Work was fine, busy, crazy, but nothing bad happenned.

Today has just been nuts. Ella goes to daycare at 8. Then I went to bring Samantha to school, where I had to have a meeting with her teachers. It was her first day back since the UTI issue. then I went to deal with the car issue, no resolvement yet, I have to go back tomorrow. I went to the "office" and got about 1 hour of work done. Then I went to pick up Ella, where I got a phone call that Samantha had a accident and could I bring clothes. Then I got a call from my brother, can you drive me to pick up the car that's in the shop, it's 20 minutes away and I can only drive 50 and under b/c of the donut on my car. By this time I have about 10 minutes before I have to go back to school to get Samantha and I still have to do payroll. I get Samantha and get home so I can clean, cook dinner before bringing the kids to the babysitter and do payroll before work. Ding dong. doorbell rings. My doorbell never rings. It is....

.... a census person. I'm sorry, but damn you census people. If you are on, I'm sorry but really. Why do we need to know how many people are in my house? I called the census person back after her first visit. Since then she has called me 3 times a day and stalked my house to get me. I said, why don't I leave you the old form and you can transfer the info to the new form. Oh, no, we can't do that. She has to speak to me in person.

She was talkative, chatty and seemed to have no sense of the fact that I may have something better to do at the moment, with cryings kids and another kid wanting a snack and oh, yeah, the payroll.

I will never be a census person, it is just inconvenient to busy people.

So now I have a very cranky child, no dinner made. This weekend is going to be crazy and I'm not in the right frame of mind to deal with it.

2010-06-01T16:55:00.000-07:00

My daughter was watching tv. She was watching noggin.

I come back in, "I just wanted to watch something else."

I look up, she says "I wanted to watch The Office."

Umm, one how did she change the station (she's never done this before, two, how does she know The Office?)

She has probably watched it once or twice with me but I never told her what it was called. I think she just got lucky with the channel change.

On Death

2010-06-01T08:28:00.000-07:00

In the past 6 weeks we have had 3 people die who were close to us. It is such a hard thing to try and explain to your 4 year old. And something about dealing with it 3 times recently makes it all the more real. We can't forget about it and move on.
Tim stopped a little short one day with the car, "Are we going to die, Mom?"

Stuff like that breaks my heart, how do you explain it and make sure she is getting it. She brings it up often. "Mommy, even though grandpa's dead, he's still my grandpa."

The first was a classmate of Samantha's. Words can not explain how hard this was. A week or so later randomly in the car she said, "he wanted to be a fireman when he grew up, but now he's not going to grow up".

Then it was my husbands grandfather. He was sick in the hospital and we visited him and of course we thought he would get better, so that's what we told her, until he didn't.

Death is brought up a lot lately here at our house. I can't help but thinking, will she remember this? She's 4 1/2. Will she remember that one of her friends died from her preschool class? And when she is old enough to process it and contemplate it, what will she say? What do these experiences mean to her?

No matter how she seems to process this, I'm just glad that I was open and honest about the whole thing with her. Even if death is hard to deal with a young age, it's better to be honest and factual and talk about our feelings then to pretend none of this has happenned.

My Children Are Crazy... Among Other Things

2010-05-31T05:24:00.000-07:00

Most of the time, my children only want me. Not only do they want me, they both want to be on top of me. They must be touching me all the time. And of course, them both touching me is not acceptable. They fight with eachother over who is getting the better spot on me. All the while I'm trying to sleep, or clean, or cook. It is exhausting. I'm trying to see the beauty in this and be grateful for this. But on Monday morning, after I've worked Th, Fri, Sat and Sun nights from 6 to 12 it's hard to think of it that way.

They do want their dad basically when they can't have him, when we visit him at work, and he's busy, they want him then. This morning at 6 AM when he tried to hold one of them, they wanted nothing of it.

We finally went downstairs and I got them fruit and made breakfast. The fruit was thrown on the floor, screaming started and I prayed that the coffee would be made more quickly.

What do you do to get through these moments? I love my kids, of course we all my heart. There are many times that they are great, we have a wonderful time and all is right with the world. And then there are the other moments. I'm thinking we all must know about these. The screaming, the lack of sleep, when they want only what we are not able to give, the tantrums in stores.

We are having a lot of the tough moments right now. Ella is almost 2 and in the throes of not being happy with most things. Anything can set her off. She's also starting to talk, and those times when she says something that is not making sense (to me) over and over again it is very tough for her to deal with it.

Oh, and I was just told that I "shouldn't be mad if she pees in her pants because poopy is much yuckier than pee. And at least she doesn't do that." Well, if that doesn't teach me how to be grateful, I don't know what does.

2010-05-27T06:42:00.000-07:00

Things I am grateful for:
My daughters wanting me up to enjoy the sunrise with them

The moments when they are not arguing with eachother

Peaceful silences

Double non fat Lattes

Lessons of UTI's

2010-05-26T19:40:00.000-07:00

My daughter has a UTI and it is awful awful awful. She complains about peeing, won't go because it hurts her and then has tiny little accidents ALL DAY LONG. She has been on the antibiotics for 2 full days now, she has been drinking loads of cranberry juice, taken her vitamins with extra vitamin c and it is not clearing up yet. I am not happy. Should I call the doctor? Is she one the wrong medication? She is only 4. Part of me is really fearing that because she is having accidents now and it is sort of okay because "she can't really help it" that we are going to majorly regress with potty training. I fear I am doomed to be cleaning up pee for the rest of my days.

In other news, she also is going to sleep at 10:30 at night! I think she is uncomfortable because she always feels like she has to pee but yet she is holding it in because she is afraid to pee. So she's having trouble relaxing and going to sleep. Please someone help me out here. Also, she's been home so I've had no time for office work this week yet, the house is a disaster. Also, Ella is cutting a tooth and she has been clinging to me saying "mommy, mommy" whenever I'm not holding her for the last 48 hours.

Please tell me there is light at the end of this tunnel.

2010-05-20T19:32:00.000-07:00

I am watching the season finale of Greys Anatomy. Why would the season need to end like this? Does every TV show have to be more dramatic than the next? Can't it just be a good ending? Lovers getting together, good things happenning. Why does every show have to have people dying, crazy things going on? It makes me want to stop watching these shows altogether.

Crazy days

2010-05-19T17:32:00.000-07:00

Today was a bit nutty.
I dropped off Ella at daycare and went to pilates. Then I went off to work, where I got overwhelmed and had too much to do. I got some things done. We have been working on a permit for a deck we are building for weeks now, hopefully I have everything in for that. There always seems to be something else that they need. I picked up Ella, went home to get some stuff done while she napped and then it was time to pick Samantha up. That's when things got crazy. I then had errands to do, had to get to the town hall at 5 pm to drop off paperwork, t ball at 5:30. Sometimes my days seems so overscheduled and feel like I accomplish nothing. It was pouring during t ball, which always makes things more fun, especially when you have a one year old who wants to be out on the field too. Even though I try not to get mad, during t ball it is hard for me to not wish Tim could be doing it. Or the families who come and the wives wrangle the younger siblings while the dads coach their kids along.
Tim is a chef and has to work at night. I was also really hoping that he would be practicing with her during the week. But that hasn't really seemed to happen yet. It's been 4 weeks so far. There are only 3 girls on the team and I'm worried if she doesn't practice she'll lose interest. The boys are noticeably better at this already, they must have been playing since age 2 or something.

My night got crazy when Samantha went #2 in her pants. This doesn't happen often but when she's really having fun it has happenned once or twice. So I decided that she should go right to bed. Is this harsh? I don't think so. She's 4. She shouldn't be doing that. I don't care of she doesn't make it to the bathroom as long as she tries. This time she didn't even attempt it. It wasn't that early anyway. It was 8 pm. So I made her go to bed. Much crying and screaming went on. She said, you can't do this. You have to give me more chances. Trust me, I wanted to give in. I was scared she would wake up Ella and then it would all be over. But I had to stick to the plan. I couldn't deviate after all this time. So she went to bed. It is now 8:40 and my house is extremely quiet and has been since 8:15 (knock on wood).
With that being said, I'm going to go enjoy my glass of wine and Modern Family.

2010-05-18T18:43:00.000-07:00

Well I haven't posted in awhile. Life has been crazy. It's just life, I guess. I have been feeling a little too stressed to sit down and think of posts. But maybe that's exactly when I should post? Our restaurant has been stressful and ever consuming. I have not been doing a great job of handling the restaurant bookeeping. I have to get a bit more structured than I have been at it. There is so much to do that it's a bit overwhelming and I'm not sure how to handle it. Days go by and I get 3 or 4 things done when I wish I was getting a full 8 hours in. I think that's what I need to really accomplish anything. I don't know how that's possible. I only have half day child care and I have to answer emails, exercise, there's just so much to get done.

And then the kids have been swimming and dancing a t balling and oh, my it's neverending.

How do you deal with life when things are feeling out of control?

Instead of buckling down and doing a few hours of work now I think I'll just go watch Lost. I need a little bit of time to myself, right?

2010-05-12T04:14:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here enjoying hearing my daughters words. This morning she said, mama up. When she wanted me to get up. We went to the bathroom and she said, "teeth brush". So we brushed her teeth and when I handed her the toothbrush she said "tank you". That was the first time she said thank you unprompted.

For awhile when I give her something I say "Ella, can you sat thank you? Even though I knew she couldn't. And finally she did! It is so nice to enjoy your little ones first words. Ella is talking a lot later than Samantha did. So having to wait for it and wonder when it will come has made it that much more exciting. She's finally moved on from having a handful of words to actually talking.

In other big news we are now watching Sesame Street. She has no interest in TV whatsoever. This morning I decided to try giving Sesame Street a try. Who can resist Elmo?

Today is a daycare day, I usually try to drop her off as close to 7:30 as possible. But I was going to go for a walk/jog. There's a track right next to daycare. It's pouring out, so we're taking our time a little more than normal. It's nice to sit here with Ella while the rest of the house is still sleeping.